On My Calendar, EVERY Month Is “Masturbation Month”

On My Calendar, EVERY Month Is “Masturbation Month”

Whether it’s Oral Hygiene Awareness Month (February), National Bike Month (May) or Pancake Month (July), we all love one declared theme-month or another. Calico’s personal favorite is International Masturbation Month, which is going on as you read this.

Calico doesn’t just like frequently engaging in the month’s theme activity, she also loves reading all the various articles which come out during masturbation month, from tips to enhance her pleasure to oh-so-perceptive pieces which note that “porn and masturbation go hand in hand.”

There’s only one thing about Masturbation Month Calico doesn’t like: The event’s too-short duration. Read all about it in her latest post, “On My Calendar, EVERY Month Is Masturbation Month”

by Calico Rudasill, https://www.sssh.com

As you know, May is “International Masturbation Month,” a phenomenon which I believe grew out of (and semantically sanitized from) May 28 being “Wankers Day” in the UK and Australia.

Naturally, in honor of this momentous, global masturbatory occasion, people everywhere are writing about masturbation, from ways to “upgrade your orgasm” to publishing the results of surveys ostensibly about masturbating, but which purportedly reveal that “men across the globe…. feel pressured to act “manly” based on outdated assumptions about masculinity.”

Some of these articles offer tips I’m eager to try (even if I’m not part of the article’s intended demographic) while others offer tips which already are indispensable parts of my repertoire.

As I read them all, however, one question keeps ringing in my ears: Why do we celebrate only one masturbation month?

Let’s Niche It Up!

If there’s one thing I’ve learned in the course of 20 years working in the adult entertainment business, it’s that every sexual preference, category, predilection and kink can (and is) broken down into smaller, more precise categories. Traditionally, within porn and other product-marketing circles, this is often referred to as “niche” marketing.

Personally, I think it’s high time we applied the principles of niche marketing to our appreciation and awareness-generating concerning masturbation. Instead of one masturbation month, we should easily be able to spend the entire year celebrating a wide variety of masturbating forms, techniques and specialties.

For instance, since men generally come first, both in their own minds and in the bedroom, January could be dubbed “Male Masturbation Month,” or more colloquially, perhaps “Jerk-It January,” just to introduce some porn-inspired alliteration.

Along those same lines, February could be reserved for the appreciation of devices with which people have sex, like Fleshlights, so-called “pocket pussies,” dildos, “insertables” and the like. In keeping with our alliterative theme, the month could be referred to as “Fuck-It February.”

I could go on like this for 10 more months, but you and I both would just be irritated as hell by the time “Onanism October” rolled around, so I’ll stop here.

Wank-Contrarians: There’s One In Every Crowd

Of course, no masturbation month would be complete without a few buzzkills (which I swear is not meant to be a broken-vibrator pun in this context) chiming in to either argue against masturbation, or declare themselves to be a non-practitioner of the art.

To be fair to Ellen Scott, who wrote the piece linked to above, she’s not at all anti-masturbation. In fact, as she points out, she’s written about its benefits and joys on several occasions. Ellen’s problem – and I really have to suspend disbelief to accept this one – is that she just doesn’t enjoy masturbating anymore.

“Now, as a semi-proper adult, I just don’t bother,” she writes. “I can’t be bothered. I don’t have the time or the urge.”

Oh Ellen, that’s positively tragic! It’s so hard for me to relate to this perspective on masturbating, it almost hurts to read those sentences. Still, I’ll read on, because as foreign as it seems, it’s a masturbatory worldview I want to understand.

“But the thing is, I feel some shame in admitting that,” she continues. “I feel like being a non-masturbator would make me seem unempowered, sexually inept, or a prude – none of which I am.”

Well shit, now I feel guilty – but rest assured, Ellen, while I think it’s ‘a shame’ you don’t like masturbating, I don’t mean that as shame on you, I mean it as what a shame for you.

Fortunately, Ellen reaches a healthy comfort with non-masturbating ways before the column ends.

“I’ve realised that just as there should be no shame in masturbating, there should be no shame in not masturbating, either,” she continues. “Masturbation is a wonderful thing, but if it’s not for you, that’s perfectly alright. It doesn’t mean you’re repressed or entirely un-sexual or incapable of self-care.”

True and fair enough, Ellen – but if it’s all the same to you, I’m going to stop typing now, so I can go try out the oddly compelling tip of masturbating while huffing the sweat from my husband’s t-shirts.