The UK’s New Porn Regs – And What They Say About the Regulators

The UK’s New Porn Regs – And What They Say About the Regulators
By Calico Rudasill at Sssh.com Porn For Women

It’s clear as day: The Brits who came up with the latest UK porn regulations think Cyndi Lauper should go fuck herself – but not on film, obviously.

Yes, Girls Just Want to Have Fun, but if that fun involves sitting on a man’s face as part of femdom sex play, experiencing female ejaculation, fisting or being fisted, said “girls” better have their “fun” somewhere other than in a porn video distributed within the UK.

More interesting to me than the amendments to the 2003 Communications Act is what those changes tell us about the regulators who dreamed up the changes.

To wit, while it is remains just fine and dandy under UK law to depict a woman dropping to her knees to receive one frothy face-load of semen after another, if you reverse the gender-fluid equation, and have a woman squirt on a man’s face, you have thereby violated the law.

That’s right, ladies: Apparently, a man’s cum is virtuous and good and can be spread around with reckless abandon across all appendage and orifice, but if your cum gets anywhere near another person on video, it’s thereby fucking illegal.

What’s more, the British Board of Film Censors (one of those organizations whose very name tells you everything you need to know about it) has decided that strangulation, facesitting and fisting are all potentially “life-endangering.”

I guess when Michael Bisping throttles an opponent with a “rear naked choke” during an MMA match, or Ross Pearson pummels his adversary with repeated power punches to the skull, that’s just good family fun, but if someone delivers a little erotic asphyxiation in Sophie Dee’s direction, that’s a “life-endangering” situation?

Guess what, you selectively sanctimonious, preferentially pious motherfuckers? Some women like being choked during sex. Some women enjoy being fisted. And some women really, really like dominating our male partners through acts like facesitting.

Honestly, I might not really give a shit about British porn becoming boring-by-law if it weren’t for the fact that this sort of legislative lunacy has a tendency to spread. One day, it’s the UK telling their lustful citizens you can’t sell videos of people pissing on each other, and the next thing you know, Madrid starts jailing people for drawing dirty pictures of the Spanish royals and the Italians aren’t electing porn stars to parliament anymore.

Plus, I’m not sure what women need at the moment is for British bureaucrats to step in and assure any porn available on the UK market has been systematically deprived of just about anything we members of the “fairer sex” might find interesting, if we have tastes which run to the ‘hardcore’ side of things.

Maybe that’s what I find most galling here; I’ll bet the guys who cooked up these silly porn rules assume the last person who would object to the guidelines is a woman of any kind. To them, we’re supposed to be dainty creatures who blush at the very mention of sex, not sexually confident (or worse yet, sexually assertive) individuals, unembarrassed by our own desires.

It’s a good thing for the faceless bureaucrats who wrote these amendments there’s an ocean separating us right now. Otherwise, I might be tempted to tie one of them up, point a video camera at him, shove my fist up his ass and piss on the stupid bastard until my external terabyte drive runs out of space.

I understand that sort of thing is patently illegal to do in the UK these days…. but where I come from, we call it “entertainment.”