Maybe Some Porn Clichés Aren’t As Far-Fetched As I’d Thought.

Maybe Some Porn Clichés Aren’t As Far-Fetched As I’d Thought

If you’ve ever ordered pizza for delivery, hired a plumber or retained the services of a pool boy, did you ever find yourself tempted to make a “porn joke” to the serviceperson involved, maybe something referencing his ‘pipe’ or ‘pepperoni’ in a knowing, naughty way?

While Calico has made such jokes herself, what she hasn’t done (and until recently, didn’t think anybody did) is seriously proposition a handyman, maintenance guy or Door Dash dude. As it turns out though, other clients have chimed in with plenty of lewd suggestions, from asking an electrician to dance topless to requesting that their house painters work in the nude.

While the survey this information comes from suggests that the servicemen in question all declined these requests, Calico wonders if she were in their shoes, would she do the same? On some level, if she’s called out to unclog a toilet, wouldn’t she rather dance around topless and leave the clog to the next poor sucker called out? 

Either way, maybe pornographers have been on to something all these years. Put another way — the way Calico titled her post, in fact — “Maybe Some Porn Clichés Aren’t As Far-Fetched As I’d Thought.”

– Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com Porn for Women that is NOT cliche!

Read On…

Back in the mid-aughts, when I was renting a little old bungalow style house with ancient, crumbling pipes, walls, fences and… well, ancient crumbling everything, basically, I got to know to the plumbers used by landlord quite well. Honestly, I couldn’t have avoided getting to know them well if I’d wanted to, because they needed to come out almost monthly to unclog, patch up or replace one thing or another.

On one of these innumerable visits, a plumber named Eric showed and greeted me with “We’ve got to stop meeting like this; people will talk” when I opened the front door (something I took to be a What’s Up, Doc? reference, because I’m just old like that.)

“Is this about to turn into one of those ludicrous porn movie scenarios?” I asked him. “And if so, shouldn’t you be the pizza guy, or maybe my pool boy?”

We had a good, knowing laugh about that – and then Eric turned his attention to our overflowing toilet, or backed up shower drain, or leaking kitchen sink, or possibly all of the above. We did not have sex, because this was real life – and in real life, people don’t really ask tradesmen who come around their house to do anything like that.

Right?

Wrong!

As it turns out, in the UK at least, people asking tradesmen to do ‘inappropriate’ things well outside their job descriptions may not be as unheard of as I’d previously thought. Granted, I don’t see anyone who participated in the survey from MyJobQuote.co.uk who copped to having sex with their clients, but 5% of those who responded said they were either “requested to work nude” or “were surrounded by more tools than those they came with.” (Nudge-nudge, know what I mean? Say no more!)

One builder reported his clients “walking around with no clothes on” and an electrician among the respondents said he was asked to take his shirt off and “dance for money.” The blog post reporting the survey results doesn’t say it outright, but I take it the electrician involved declined that particular side gig.

And that is why I’d make a lousy tradesperson (in addition to not having any skills that would qualify me to be a tradesperson, I mean): I’m just not professional enough to turn down easy money like that. Had I been that client’s electrician, I’d happily have taken off my top and danced for money – provided that the client in question was willing to cough up the apparent industry standard of $20 per song, that is.

Maybe They Should be Happy with Those Requests?

When I think of the various horrible things I’ve called out tradesmen to do – including and especially plumbers like Eric – it occurs to me that at times, some of them might greatly prefer dancing around with their shirts off to what they are actually called upon to do.

Take the fellow who showed up to fix my air conditioning one sunny July in Tucson. He had already done three repair jobs that day, starting at 6am and arrived at my place around 2pm, with the ambient temperature sitting at 116 degrees.

Yes, you read that right: 100-fucking-16 degrees.

If I had told that guy “You know what – don’t worry about climbing on the roof in this heat, just come on in, have a glass of ice water, take off your shirt and dance around half-naked to the soundtrack from Magic Mike for a while and I’ll pay you to do that, instead,” I’m pretty certain he would have jumped at that opportunity.

Sure, that wouldn’t have solved the problem with our air conditioning. and I’m sure my husband would have been somewhat less entertained by the resulting spectacle than me, but life is all about compromise, right? Besides, as I recall, that AC repairman was quite well-built – and it’s not like HVAC repair people are hard to find here in southern Arizona, so we could have simply called out another, possibly less handsome, technician later.

Does This Sort of Porn Thing Ever Happen with the ‘Geek Squad’?

As I wrote this post, it occurred to me that in his previous occupation as a mobile IT guy who did “house calls” (in truth, they were more like “office calls” because all his clients were companies), my husband might have received some requests to go above and beyond the call of duty back in the day, himself.

Asked whether any of his clients had ever asked him to take off his shirt and dance for money, my husband just glanced down at his (now rather prominent) beer belly and deadpanned: “Not even 40 pounds ago, my dear.”

The loss is yours, local businessmen of yore! After all, until you’ve seen my husband reenact key scenes from The Full Monty, you haven’t truly lived.

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