10, or Maybe 7, or Possibly as Many as 12 Tips for a Better (or Worse) Sex Life
It seems like everyone has sex advice to offer these days, from self-appointed “sexperts” and talk show hosts to lab coat-wearing scientists and religious leaders.
While some sex advice amounts to common sense (“communicate with your partner”) or even blindingly obvious ideas (“use lubricant”), other useful tips might never occur to people, simply because they don’t seem directly connected to our sex lives.
Calico recently ran across a set of tips that survey data indicates many people already happy with their sex lives are already doing — and much of it isn’t so much directly related to se, so much as it focuses on improving your relationship in a general sense, which then contributes to having a more enjoyable sex life with your partner.
For the most part, this new advice seems sensible and valid, but you know Calico; she’s always looking for ways to improve, refine and add helpful detail. In this case, Calico has been inspired to write a brief list of tips that stem from her own experience — for better, or for worse.
What does Calico advise? What does her husband make of these tips? Is she serious about him needing to get rid of his favorite t-shirt? Find out in Calico’s latest post: “10, or Maybe 7, or Possibly as Many as 12 Tips for a Better (or Worse) Sex Life.”
– Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com Sex Movies For Women
One of the difficult things about seeking out sex advice is that even the nominal experts seem to disagree about what constitutes “good sex” – and even when they can agree on what good sex is, they’ll often offer conflicting advice on how to arrive at it.
To be fair, there are things on which almost everyone agrees, like the importance of communicating with your partner effectively. Of course, some of these widely agreed-upon things may be things you don’t need to be told by an expert, because you’ve already worked them out on your own – like “use lubrication.” (Gee, thanks Harvard. You Ivy League types sure do have a firm grasp on the obvious, don’t you?)
Some will advise you that spontaneous sex is the hottest kind of sex, while others will tell you to “schedule time for intimacy.” Yes, because nothing says “spontaneity” like blocking off two hours in my iPhone’s calendar for this coming Thursday night and then labeling the entry “intimacy.”
Tip Three: Keep Doing Tips One and Two
Often, I find that tips for a good sex life include things I’ve already done – which makes sense, because I’m reasonably happy with my sex life, other than the minor detail that all the sex I’ve been having for the last 20 years or so has been with my husband.
For instance, I’ve read many times that it’s important to “identify your turn-offs” and communicate those turn-offs to your partner. To this one, I can confidently say “been there, done that.” Thankfully, I may also be able to say it wasn’t strictly necessary to do it, because as it turns out, my husband never planned to put up pictures of Donald Trump around our house to begin with.
This Just In: Sex Is Often Better If You Like Your Partner
The most recent sex advice I’ve come across is based on an extensive survey conducted by the Gottman Institute, an organizational name which, I am assured, is not some lame wordplay (“got man?”), but the actual last names of the folks who founded the Institute, John and Julie Gottman.
As I’ve mentioned before, I’m a sucker for both “science” (as that term is defined by internet users, more so than by actual practitioners of science) and any post that offers me a clearly defined number of facts and/or tips. As such, I was delighted to find that someone had distilled the Gottman’s research down to a handy list of “10 Science-Backed Tips For A Better Sex Life (That Don’t Include The Bedroom).”
These sex tips are not what I’ve come to expect, as they include things like “Say ‘I love you’ at least once a day.” Presumably, this is something I’m supposed to say to my husband and not just anyone who happens to be standing around? Lord knows I already say it a hundred times a day to my cat – but it’s hard to see how doing that would improve my sex life.
Also, I must say that some of these tips seem a bit redundant, like #3 “cuddle together” and the very next item on the list, #4 “show your affection.” Is it possible to cuddle without showing affection? I guess maybe it is – particularly during important sporting contests, when I think we’re cuddling affectionately, but occasionally find myself on the floor directly following a goal, basket, or particularly bad call by a referee.
I Love You, You Selfish Ingrate
My take on the Gottman List is that all the suggestions are reasonable enough and make good sense, I do sort of wonder if what they’ve uncovered is evidence that people who like each other and are good to one another are also more likely to enjoy having sex with each other than people who do not like each other and/or aren’t good to each other. In other words, I think it’s possible that saying “I love you” regularly to someone you can’t stand won’t improve the sex you have with that person.
I also think some of these tips are bit vague – and since I’m always one to offer a solution instead of simply pointing out a problem, I’ve come up with my own list:
10, or Maybe 7 or Possibly as Many as 12, Depending on How You Count Them, Things You Can Do, or Maybe Not Do, to Improve Your Sex Life.
– On occasion, do the dishes and/or take out the trash without first being asked to do so.
– Don’t smirk, chortle quietly, or loudly guffaw, when your spouse is talking about her mother and describes her as “a nice person.”
– Don’t ask to move “date night” from Friday to Sunday because you want to get up early on Saturday to watch a Liverpool match at four in the goddamn morning, you insensitive, football-obsessed fucking fuck.
– Bend over and let me peg you with a strap-on, just once. Remember those three times when I let you cum on my face? Shit, I even pretended to like it the once, because I’m selfless like that.
– Throw out that disgusting old t-shirt, right now.
– Would it kill you to do some yardwork this weekend? I can tell you nothing would make me wetter – except maybe that pegging thing I mentioned a minute ago.
– Commit to binge-watching something with me that doesn’t involve spies, gruesome murders and/or psychopaths with English accents.
– Trim your toenails. What do you mean you “already have”? This isn’t a one-time thing, dear; they do grow back.
Ready to skip past the sexperts and see how it’s done? Head over to Sssh.com for a great library of sex vidios.
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