Warning: If You Make My Sex Robot TOO Nice, I’ll Just End Up Friend-Zoning Him

Warning: If You Make My Sex Robot TOO Nice, I’ll Just End Up Friend-Zoning Him.

by Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com

While I can understand why some folks are concerned, apprehensive, or flat freaking out over the prospect of sex robots and the various deleterious sex robots might have on the future of human relationships, this understanding doesn’t diminish in the slightest my enthusiasm for the idea of eventually owning a male sexbot so advanced, he can not only pleasure me efficiently, but repair the dilapidated old wooden deck we have out back, as well.

This Ain’t Westworld, Yet. (In Fact, It Ain’t Even Chuck E. Cheese)

Whether you think sex robots are a good idea or a bad idea, the good/bad news is that right now, sex robots as most of us conceive of them – advanced, self-propelled, interactive, hyper-realistic, able to swing a hammer and use a saw without mangling his own penis, etc. – are just an idea. As noted by evolutionary biologist Rob Brooks, sexbots of that sort remain a long, long way off.

“You’d think we were already living in Westworld, moving among convincing humanoid robots that can’t easily be distinguished from flesh-and-blood humans,” Brooks writes, referencing the current media fascination with (and fear of) sex robots. “The reality is that today’s so-called sex robots aren’t really that advanced. They have a few simple movements, those that converse do so via clunky chatbots, and they bear an eternal look of open-mouthed surprise. I refer to them as ‘dollbots,’ more doll than robot.”

Still, Brooks clearly believes it’s worth thinking about a future in which sex robots as we imagine them DO exist – and what we want that future to look and behave like. His most important suggestion? We need to make sure our advanced bots are nice, not just nice-looking.

“Right now, machine learning algorithms are mining the vast deposits of dialogue people leave behind on social media and messaging apps, discovering the conversational tricks to hook people into conversations and reel them in,” Brooks explains. “It doesn’t necessarily matter what the conversations are about. As long as they keep us talking, and preferably disclosing information about ourselves, we will treat them like friends, perhaps even intimate friends.”

Brooks concludes by saying his advice for “makers of would-be sex robots” is to “work hard on the verbal aspect.”

“As some players have long understood, a few conversational strategies can go a long way.”

In Search of the Happy Medium of Sex Robot Masculinity and Confidence

I think this suggestion of crafting sex robots to be personable and good with conversation is a fine idea – to a point, at least. What I don’t want my sex robot to be is a total doormat. I don’t want him to be too docile, too gentle, or “a real nice guy, but just too dull to ever want to fuck” as my friend Rachel once described a man with whom she did not go on a second date.

I want my sex robot to have confidence in his opinions, at least to the extent those opinions mesh with my own, of course. He doesn’t have to share my politics completely, but if the sex doll retailer I choose sends me a “MAGA” sexbot, or some sort of Bernie Bro sexbot, they can expect both a request for a full refund AND a nasty review on Yelp, or Trustpilot, or Angie’s List, or wherever one complains about being provided with an unsatisfactory sexbot experience.

Speaking of language skills, I’ve also decided that I want my sexbot to be entirely illiterate. Why? That’s obvious: I don’t want him reading Isaac Asimov or Philip K. Dick and coming up with any funny ideas about independence, liberation, or a revolutionary bent that leads him to think that rather than give me head, he’d like to shoot me in mine.

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