Tell Me More About THIS Hunter Biden Story!
by Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com Porn For Women
As I’m sure you’re aware, Hunter Biden, the son of presidential candidate and former Vice President Joe Biden, has been in the news a lot lately.
Most of that news has been about the ongoing impeachment inquiry into President Donald Trump, who as we all know, “wants nothing” from the Ukraine – especially a quid pro quo. Hunter also has been in the news because of his business interests in China, which the totally objective Fox News says are “plagued by ethics questions and national security concerns.”
Now THAT’s What I Call A Biden Scandal!
I’m not an investigative reporter, or a political junkie, so you might assume I don’t care about those Hunter Biden scandals – and you’d be right about that. You might also assume Hunter Biden wound up on the Calico Radar for reasons related to sex – and you’d be right again.
Unfortunately for Hunter Biden, all it takes to land on the Calico Radar is to have your name appear in the same headline as the words “stripper,” “sex toy” or “Hustler Club” – or, in Hunter’s case, all three of those terms in the same headline.
“STRIP SCANDAL” begins the typically shrieky headline from The Sun. “Stripper ‘used sex toy on Hunter Biden in Larry Flynt’s New York Hustler Club after he sent worker out to buy one.’”
Holy shit! Fuck all that noise about Ukraine and China – this is now officially the only Hunter Biden scandal about which I want to know more.
Who’s Your Daddy?
Back in October, it was reported that Hunter agreed that he should take a paternity test requested by a woman named Lunden Alexis Roberts, who filed a paternity suit against Biden in May. If that story out of Arkansas made the senior Biden uncomfortable, then ol’ Joe probably shouldn’t read the one from Page Six which served as the basis for The Sun’s report I linked to earlier.
According to Page Six, Hunter “spent several thousand dollars at a Manhattan strip club during a pair of visits… including one that sent a staffer scrambling to buy a sex toy so strippers could use it on him.”
Initially, I thought Page Six was going to deny us the precise nature and identity of the “sex toy” in question – a broad term that covers everything from Fleshlights and ‘pocket pussies’ to strap-on dildos and cock rings. Thankfully though, the tabloid served up the deets in a subsequent paragraph, revealing that the toy in question was “a dildo” – and that picky Hunter wouldn’t settle for just any old dildo the strippers had lying around.
“It’s unclear if the club didn’t have a similar device on hand or if he insisted on a brand-new one fresh out of the package,” Page Six reported.
Of course, there’s also the story of Hunter allegedly smoking crack at Archibald’s Gentlemen’s Club in Washington, DC.
“There was a smell of burning Styrofoam in the VIP room,” the club’s former managing partner told Page Six. “We told him nothing illegal can go on here. We didn’t see anything illegal. After he was spoken to, the smell stopped. VIP employees suspected it was crack.”
Seriously, Hunter? All those strippers walking around in G-strings wasn’t enough ‘crack’ for your tastes? As your father’s opponent in the upcoming election might say, “Sad.”
At Least There Was One True “Gentleman” In The Club…
For what it’s worth – and if you’re Joe Biden, it’s probably not worth very much – the strippers involved in these alleged incidents had largely good things to say about Hunter as a client.
“Despite the lurid allegations, Hunter was described as an almost-ideal customer,” Page Six recounted, adding that one source described him as “a pretty nice guy,” while another characterized the embattled former Burisma board member as “pretty friendly and a pretty good tipper.”
While I’m a little disappointed that none of the strippers went so far as to reveal whether Hunter was also an ideal ‘customer’ with respect to the insertion of the dildo (“He even groans politely” I can almost hear one of them say), I’m at least relieved to hear he tips well – although I suppose that’s the least one can do when one used to make a reported $50,000 a month for sitting on their ass the board of an energy company.
I’m sure Hunter’s dad isn’t too excited to have this in the news, or to be faced with questions about it all, but I think Joe should look at the bright side: Hunter could have gone into the craft beer business.
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