The Day Has Finally Come: A Government Endorsement for Glory Holes

The Day Has Finally Come: A Government Endorsement for Glory Holes

As the COVID-19 pandemic drags on, it stands to reason that new guidance and advisories would be handed down by governments from time to time, including changes to previous guidance regarding how to make your sexual encounters safer during the outbreak.

Up in Canada, the British Columbia CDC’s advice largely mirrors that given out by their American counterparts, with a couple of prominent differences. One of those differences caught Calico’s eye, not just because she was impressed with the level of detail offered by the BCCDC, but also because she’s pretty certain she’s never seen a government give the thumbs-up to a sex act like the one the BCCDC recommends in a recent update.

What’s the BCCDC’s latest sexual recommendation for Canadians? Does it involve maple syrup and/or hockey? Does each line of their guidance end with “eh?” Find out in Calico’s new post: “The Day Has Finally Come: A Government Endorsement for Glory Holes” 

by Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com, sssh.com Adult Sex Entertainment for Women and Couples

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Prior to this morning, the only real difference I could cite between the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and the British Columbia CDC was the fact that the BCCDC spells it “Centre” for disease control.

But now I know there’s a much bigger difference. 

Most importantly, it’s a difference that appeals to my juvenile, immature, decidedly low brow sense of humor. It’s the sort of difference I would expect to be immortalized in a song by Frank Zappa, if only he were still alive to write such a song.

This is no minor difference, by the way, nor does it involve some trivial matter. It is, in fact, a difference in the two CDC’s recommendations for safe sex practices during the COVID-19 pandemic.

Glory, Glory, Hole-Lay-Lujah!

To be clear, in most ways, the guidance from the BCCDC and the US CDC mirror each other. Both organizations say some version of “You are your safest sex partner” and “masturbation is always safe sex,” for example. (Some less fortunate practitioners of autoerotic asphyxiation might quibble with that latter claim, but for most masturbation methods, I think it holds up pretty well).

There is, however, one detail of the BCCDC guidance that really stuck out. Specifically, it stuck out like an erect penis poking through a hole in the wall.

On the BCCDC’s list of “steps to protect yourself during sex,” the sixth item on the list reads as follows: “Use barriers, like walls (e.g., glory holes), that allow for sexual contact but prevent close face-to-face contact.”

I can’t quite put my finger on why, but to me, the “e.g.” is what really makes this line of public health guidance sing – a moment of sheer parenthetical brilliance. It’s just such a nice, scholarly juxtaposition to the vernacular “glory hole”, I guess.

This is very solid guidance, too, I think. Considering that the primary risk of infection comes from water droplets that emit when we breathe, cough or exclaim “Oh yes, just like that, don’t stop!”, putting a wall between myself and my partner seems like a good way to prevent those droplets from getting on me.

I Do Have Some Practical Questions…

There is one small problem with the glory hole guidance (well, two small problems if the man in your life isn’t particularly well-endowed, or the wall in question is more than a couple inches thick) – and that problem stems from the guidance that appears just two lines above the glory hole advice.

“Wear a face covering or mask.”

Hmm. Well, I guess that rather removes oral sex through the glory hole as an option, eh? 

I mean, I suppose if I wore a very silken face mask with an extraordinary amount of play or slack in the fabric, I could potentially give the weirdest, least comfortable (to me, at least) blowjob in the history of glory holes. Somehow, that idea just doesn’t offer much appeal.

And then there’s the guidance that comes just after the glory hole advice: “Using condoms, lubricant, and dental dams may help to further reduce the risk by minimizing contact with saliva, semen and feces during sex.”

So now I’m supposed to wear a dental dam under my mask, too, while sucking a lubricated, condom-wrapped willy? Seriously, have you crazy Canuck public health types given any thought to how I’m supposed to breathe during my state-sanctioned glory hole adventure? What next, a zippered bondage mask that goes over my custom-made, silky N-95?

To be fair, this is probably the first time a public health official has given much thought to how people can safely use glory holes in the middle of a pandemic – unless both glory holes and Centers for Disease Control were more common back in 1918 than I think.