Taking The Lead

I won’t be the first to admit it, nor will I be the last to say it:  “Men and women love it when their partner takes control during sex.”  Yes, it IS true!

The more time that is spent with your lover, through age, health, and hormones, we soon find that we are less like likely to initiate sex. Once this happens, we also become less likely to take control during a sexual encounter. Once we stop taking control over how often we have or want sex, we start having sex less frequently. This eventually leads to having sex twice a year instead of twice a month.

This month we are going to try to help you be more sexually aggressive. By teaching you new ways to take the lead and be more aggressive in initiating sex, you will feel natural at telling your partner what you want to do in the bedroom.

The Two Triggers
The two most important things to look at when it comes to turning your partner on are arousal and stimulation. Arousal and stimulation can be achieved in two ways, which we will talk about right away.

Sexual Contact
Any type of contact, especially sexual contact, is important in a relationship. Whether it starts with holding hands, rubbing your partner’s shoulders, or caressing their inner thighs or their abdominal area with your fingertips, initiating more sexual contact will get your partner thinking more about sex.

There are lots of subtle ways to touch your partner. However, you will have to touch a man differently than you touch a woman. If you have not had sex with your partner in a while or just met someone new, start by holding your partner’s hand. One of our students initiates contact by holding a woman’s hand as they run across a busy street. Another way of touching her is by lightly caressing her lower back as she enters a car. Or as you pull out her chair in a restaurant, place your hand on her lower back as she sits down. As you can see, these activities can be very subtle and very romantic.

When it comes to the initial touches of a guy, a women can be more aggressive. Initial handholding is always good, but you can be more forward by touching his forearm when you are sitting down beside him at a movie.

From here, you can kiss your partner’s neck or run your fingers up the sides of their body. Remember…feather like touches. Now move to caressing their shoulders…

Arousal – Using Your Voice
Whispering can be such a powerful aphrodisiac when the timing and location is right. If you are at a business function and you notice that your partner is bored and wants to get out, you can grab him by the hand and whisper softly that you want to take him home and make love to him on the desk in the den. Use your voice to stir your partner’s imagination. Stimulate your partner’s mind by feeding him or her stories and let them fill in the blanks. If you know some of your partner’s fantasies or desires, use them to your advantage.

Arousal – Other Methods
There are also other methods that you can use when it comes down to arousing your partner. Try leaving your partner a note on his windshield with specific instructions to be followed. Or drop helpful hints like leaving your panties in his briefcase. What about over the phone?

Use anticipation to arouse your partner. Use words that will stimulate their mind. What turns a person on is the anticipation of getting something that they want and will enjoy.

By using both sexual contact for stimulation and your voice for arousal, you can revive almost any relationship. Don’t forget these methods can also be used to strengthen a relationship. Use them as often as possible to keep the relationship healthy and strengthen the bond between both of you.

Just remember to do things that build as much sexual tension as possible.

Taking the Lead in the Bedroom
When it comes to the bedroom sometimes we want to be in control and other times we want to lay back. When it comes to being in control, you have to display an aggressive, yet seductive role.

Being More Aggressive
Once you become comfortable doing this, just let your imagination run wild. Touch and explore. Be creative and imaginative. Some people say that they do not know enough sex positions. If this is the case visit our associate site, Sssh.com and check out: “Sex Position Secrets.” Some people say they do not know where to touch or where to explore. Well, there are enough helpful hints on this site to help you out. There are no excuses.

If being aggressive is not in your nature, try doing a little role-playing.  Perhaps you can pretend you are a call girl or a male gigolo and just seduce, seduce, seduce!  Embody your new personality, regardless of what it is,  and just have fun with it. Use your imagination to the fullest.

Giving Orders
Once you have a grasp of the power of suggestion and arousal, you can move on to being more aggressive and giving your partner orders.

Tell them what you are about to do to them, and how it is going to feel. Help guide them as you plant seeds in their mind on how good it will be. Tell them to sit right there. Or to spread their legs. “Is that how you like it?” Well, tell them. Tell them where to place their hands. How hard to push.

Some people are not really comfortable with this, but with time, telling your partner what to do and what your wants and needs are will become easy. Good sex comes when you are comfortable enough to tell your partner what you like and what you want to do. It’s about losing your inhibitions.

Here are some final words of advice:

1. Tell your partner what you want to do and what is going to happen.
2. Push the envelope. Let your imagination run wild!
3. Try something new and different. Variety is the spice of life!
4. Try to do weekly sessions. Or even daily sessions.
5. Always feel confident.
6. Arrange some alone time with your partner.

Always remember that if you take the lead, you get to do what YOU want to do. Try positions YOU want to try. Act out scenes that YOU want to act.

Be aggressive and take they lead!