Sometimes it's just that simple

Sometimes it’s just that simple
by Lola Lovely at Badoink Magazine. 

Many years ago, I remember watching an episode of That 70s Show (Season 6, Happy Jack) where Donna catches Eric masturbating in her bathroom. The whole episode then went on to shame Eric and cause all sorts of squeamishness in the ladies of the house.

Since the show was set in the 70s, I am assuming that this attitude was because it was supposed to be the 70s, because it’s certainly not so in this day and age. Or is it? See the thing that I found most unusual about that particular episode is at the very end, when Donna let’s it slip that she masturbates as well. To quote: “Next time, be like a normal person. Go to your room. Lock the door, light some candles, put on some Al Green and make an evening of it!”

Well that stumped me. I mean, make an evening of it?? Who the hell has time for that?! Put some candles on?? And music? It’s masturbation hun! I’m not going on a date! But that is the problem, it’s ok for guys to masturbate. It’s expected. It’s encouraged even. In fact, it is so normal and expected that if a guy said he didn’t masturbate, no one would believe him.

However, for some reason, while us women can talk about literally anything; anal sex? done! The colour of our poop this morning? I’ll give you a detailed account! Which position I like to get fucked from best? Well, let me give you a list! When it comes to masturbation, we suddenly become these pearl-clutching, shy girls, shaking our head at the very thought of it. Or we make a big deal out of it. Or rather, it is so unusual that when TV writers imagine women masturbating, they imagine us doing it with special music, in a bathtub and a glass of champagne, or some kind of ‘romantic’ situation, where we make ‘an evening out of it’ and it is a special night.

Which is presumably how they believe we like to have all our sex. Masturbation, for men and women occurs in much the same way. You have some time, you’re bored, you’re just about to go to bed (and we all know that a little tap and tug before bedtime makes it easier to sleep eh) or whenever. We don’t need to make it a special night. Us and our vibrators just need a little privacy and access to Badoink and we’re good.

Much like Sarah Silverman’s song Perfect Night. She sings: “Tonight is the night I’m gonna celebrate, stay at home, order in, watch a movie, then masturbate.” Really, it’s that simple.

Read more of Lola’s commentary at Badoink Magazine!

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