Sex Toy Humor: Did She Also Find a “Beaded Necklace” With No Clasp?

Sex Toy Humor: Did She Also Find a “Beaded Necklace” With No Clasp?

Have you ever seen a plant, or spotted some sort of bird that you didn’t recognize, then take a picture and post it online to solicit help in identifying it? Do you ever turn to the internet in search of “expert advice“? Have you ever mistaken a sex toy or pleasure product for a piece from a chess set?

If so — or hell, even if not — then Calico’s latest screed may be for you. Within it, you will not only find links to a variety of experts who can help you with such pressing matters as developing your “outdoor life” skills and culinary aptitude but gain valuable insight regarding times when it might be best to do a bit of empirical research before turning to the internet for help.

What sort of circumstances might call for an unusual amount of discretion and caution in seeking online advice? Find out in Calico’s latest post: “Did She Happen to Mention if She Also Found a “Beaded Necklace” With No Clasp?”

– Calico Rudasill, Adult Movies for Women

While it gets a lot of negative attention for the wealth of misinformation, disinformation and plain old bullshit featured thereon, the internet is also a decent place to get advice from people who do know what they’re talking about, too.

Especially when it comes to the kind of self-proclaimed ‘expert’ of the sort one puts in air quotes like the ones I used earlier in this sentence, expert advice is everywhere you look online. You can get expert advice on outdoor life, or on how to make nice meals without setting your kitchen on fire, or planning a wedding during a pandemic – hell, you can even get expert advice on how to find expert advice!

Sometimes, though, it might pay off to do a little research of your own before you start asking people on the internet for help – especially if what you’re trying to identify is a glass product of uncertain origin.

The Mystery of the Misplaced ‘Toy Bottle Stopper’

Let’s say, for instance, that an acquaintance of yours (or of your sister’s) were to find something you think might be a rather fancy and oddly shaped glass bottle stopper. Before testing your pet theory online, maybe ask a few close friends who are somewhat more worldly than you – because otherwise you may learn the hard (and well-mocked) way that the object about which you are inquiring is, in fact, a discarded butt plug.

As the story goes, a woman identified only as 61-year old “churchgoer” named “Jane” found what believed to be a “vintage bottle stopper” and went to a glass collectors’ Facebook group asking for help in confirming what it was.

“Got a friend of my sister that came across a solid glass piece,” Jane wrote, along with posting a photo of the found item. “Since she can’t figure it out, she reached out to me and now I’m reaching out to all of you!”

Jane went on to describe the object as “4.5 inches tall, 1.5 diameter at fat part and 1.75 at base.” It had no “significant scratches” but did look as though it had “reflective gold coating on it.”

“Hoping to get an idea of what it is,” Jane wrote. “Only thing coming to mind is either a bottle stopper for a decanter or possibly a chess piece.”

With Toy Expert Friends Like These…

Obviously, it wasn’t a chess piece – but the authors of some of the responses to Jane’s inquiry may well have been tempted to add “checkmate!” to their replies.

“It’s a stopper… just not for a bottle,” wrote one. Picking up on that theme, another replied “It’s a stopper alright – but think orifice not bottle.”

One helpful soul opined that Jane was correct in her chess piece guess, even going so far as to offer a more specific identification.

“Looks like she found a knight,” the respondent chimed in. “Maybe the others will turn up soon. It’s a shame when a set gets split apart.”

I don’t know what knights look like where that person is from, but from where I sit, it’s clearly a bishop.

Ah, poor Jane – but at least she took the ribbing with a good sense of humor.

“Now that we all know what it is, we have thoroughly washed our hands (even though two of us never touched it) and are having a good laugh at the education we just got,” Jane wrote.

And as for the friend who found it?

“I don’t think there’s enough soap to wash away that image,” Jane quipped.

Sure, the whole thing is likely a farce and a setup, but Jane insists her story is legit. If so… well, then it was just another tabloid-ready day in merry old England, I suppose.

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