Sex Towel Humor – I Suppose Using Paper Towels Is Both Gauche and Wasteful?

Sex Towel Humor – I Suppose Using Paper Towels Is Both Gauche and Wasteful?

In the grand universe of products that come highly recommended by the internet, some have great appeal to Calico, like top selling sci-fi novels and great, binge worthy TV show suggestions, while others are less appealing, like top ten lists of the best juicers available on the modern market, or anything endorsed by Rachael Ray.

Some products, no matter how much they’re described as “must haves” or items one really should have if they don’t want to live like an unprincipled barbarian, strike Calico as entirely unnecessary, their function already being offered by things she already has on hand. Why does she need Alexa, for example, when the laptop is always there and through it all sorts of search engines and other information resources?

Still, Calico is always open to change and to trying new things. If someone can persuade her an item she has hitherto thought of as useless or superfluous truly serves a purpose, she’ll give it a shot.

So, what is the recommended product Calico is reconsidering today? What must-have item might soon occupy space in one of her drawers, cabinets and/or hampers? Find out in her latest post, “I Suppose Using Paper Towels Is Both Gauche and Wasteful?”

– Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com Adult Movies for Women and Couples

Read on…

The internet is filled with advice, top ten lists and debate about which things are “best.” If you want to know what the 100 best movies of all time are, for example, you’ll find there’s no shortage of lists to choose from.

The same can be said for cars, popcorn, shampoo, television commercials and just about anything else you can think of.

So, really, I suppose it should come as no surprise that some people have strong opinions about which are the best towels for after-sex cleanup.

Where’s the Shamwow Guy When We Need Him?

As one of the uncouth fools who has always just used a regular bathroom towel for after-sex cleanup – and not a unique, dedicated one, just whichever one is at the top of the pile in the bedroom linen closet at the time – I’m a little confused as to why I need, or would want, a “sex towel.” 

Luckily, Kayla Kibbe of InsideHook is here to straighten me out.

“Why can’t you just grab a washcloth or a hand towel from the bathroom, wipe yourself and your partner down, and throw it in the wash before returning it to your regular rotation of non-sex-specific towels?” Kibbe asks, anticipating the precise question I have. 

“Because this is a sex towel,” Kibbe continues. “It’s for sex, the same way a beach towel is for the beach and a dish towel is for dishes. Your sex towel has to be sex-specific for the same reason you don’t bring your bath towels to the beach and you don’t dry off with your beach towels after you shower (unless it’s a particularly overdue laundry day). You just don’t.”

That’s so odd, because it sure seems to me that I just DO (and sense I likely will continue to do) things like use beach towels to dry off after the shower. Now, admittedly, the main reason I use beach towels to dry off after a shower is that I didn’t realize they were beach towels when I bought them. All I knew is they were super cheap on clearance and looked like they’d do just fine for all the various jobs I expect a towel to do.

Good Point: Can’t Have My Husband’s Sperm Judging Us for Having Ugly Towels!

As it turns out, my lack of concern for the appearance of my towels is also problematic, at least as the sex towel cognoscenti see the world.

“Last but not least, your sex towel should be nice,” Kibbe writes, before quoting Olia K., the creator of The Love Mop, who says: “It needs to be of high quality, well made and attractive, so that you enjoy reaching for it and it inspires pleasure and playfulness in your after-sex cleanup.”

Pleasure and playfulness in my after-sex cleanup? What am I, the Mary Poppins of post-coital tidying? Shall I traipse about singing “A spoonful of shammy helps the ejaculate go down, the ejaculate go down…” while I’m at it?

After All THAT, You Point Me to a Run of the Mill Washcloth?

OK, so my sex towel must be strictly dedicated to the purpose of post-sex cleanup, it must be attractive… anything else?

“Okay, yes, fine, I admit it. At the end of the day, a sex towel is pretty much just a towel,” Kibbe writes near the end of the post, in the context of recommending Brooklinen Classic Washcloths. “So, if you’re looking for a post-sex cleanup aid that will get the job done without all the sexy bells and whistles and cutesy branding, a regular, boring old towel will do the trick.”

Dude, Kayla, seriously? You just got done shaming us over simply using whatever towel we have lying around, (and OK, maybe the occasional use of my husband’s dingy gray gym sock), then turn around and tell me it doesn’t really matter what we use, so long as we only use it for after-sex cleanup?

On the one hand, I’m slightly disillusioned. On the other, I’m also relieved to hear I don’t need to order some special sex rag off the internet to join the ranks of the Sex Towel Army, or to knit my own from some fancy, hard to find fabric. I can just swing over to Bed Bath & Beyond and see what they have on their clearance rack!

When I walk up to the register holding the single cheapest (but still sufficiently attractive, of course!) towel they have to offer, I do hope the clerk asks me whether I’m interested in the rest of the original set… I can’t wait to ask in response whether there’s another variety they’d recommend for its superior cum-removing properties.

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