Sex In Space – Boldly Cumming Where No Man Has Cum Before?

– Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com Porn For Women and Couples

By now, you probably know the latest hype pumping out of a certain well-known porn company is the notion they’re going to send a couple porn stars and a six-person film crew into space to film the first (known) extraterrestrial sex scene in human history.

For a variety of reasons, the space porn shoot probably won’t actually happen, but that’s not really the point from the perspective of the porn company in question; for them, it’s all about the publicity of saying they’re going to do it – and judging by the number of media outlets which have swallowed the clickbait whole, they have to be pretty pleased by the progress of their publicity stunt, thus far.

Unlikely though it might be, I must admit I’d like to see a space-based porn scene happen, mostly out of nerdly curiosity about how the performers and crew would overcome certain logistical challenges presented by the on-set environment.

Read on…

Can Dilithium Crystals Cure ED?

First of all, as previously noted by people like physicist and astronomer John Mills, getting and keeping wood in zero-gravity environment isn’t quite the same thing as popping a boner at a slightly above sea level studio in L.A. Mills stopped short of discounting the possibility of space-wood, saying “Male arousal would be more challenging in space, though it could still technically be possible.”

You hear that, fellas? It’s “technically possible” to get a hard-on in space! If this ringing endorsement of the concept doesn’t this make you downright eager to undergo rigorous training, then brave the perils of space travel on the off chance of successfully completing sex acts which present no issues while on terra firma, all for the chance to make money for the owners of the tube site (who will be taking absolutely no personal physical risk of their own, btw), I just don’t know what will.

In Space, No One Can Hear You Puke

Then there’s the issue of “space sickness,” which is like sea sickness, only the boat just happens to be 70 or more miles above the sea at the time. Many professional astronauts – people who have trained for years to handle the rigors of zero gravity travel, experience nausea in space – so I wouldn’t be shocked if a space porn shoot had to be scratched because the script didn’t particularly call for the male lead to spend the entire time projectile vomiting while the crew tries to air-swim around the free-floating remnants of his breakfast.

Even During Sex, It Feels Like We’re Drifting Apart

Just staying near your partner during zero gravity fucking could be an interesting challenge, too. To keep the performers within male-appendage-reach of each other probably would require straps anchoring them to something. I suppose the producer could work around this potential issue by crafting it as a BDSM scene – although he’d want to make sure there wasn’t much extra slack in the ties, or they’ll repeatedly waft into view, distracting from all the zero-g flogging and floating beads of sweat.

But Honey, if I DON’T Cum in Your Mouth, It’ll Gum Up the Navigation Panel!

Of course, I think we all know what the real moment of truth would be in a space-based porn shoot: The Zero-G Money Shot. I can’t think of anything else which could better reinvigorate the act of male ejaculation in porn, a moment which has become more predictable than sunrise. I know Johnny Sins has been earmarked as the potential astro-nut-buster here, but given the central importance of the first-ever filmed zero-gravity cumshot, I think they should consider going a bit old school by casting the human canon himself, Mr. Peter North.

My Doubts Aside, Let Me Be the First to Say Bone Voyage

Despite my cynical side telling me this whole space porn concept is a publicity stunt con job, the rest of me hopes I’m wrong and that sometime in the not so distant future, I’ll get to see for myself how the cast and crew rose up and over-came – so to speak – the trials and travails of the zero-g porn set.

Then again, there are lots of non-logistical questions here, too, of course – including one potentially thorny legal query: Does the jurisdiction of CAL-OSHA extend into the mesosphere, and if so, will the performers wear the required goggles on the outside of their helmets, or will the built-in faceplates suffice as a form of eye protection?

Questions, questions, questions; who knew shooting porn in space would be so damn complicated?