Sex Humor: To Determine Whether I’m Offended, I Need A Translator Who Speaks Gamer
For some people, selecting a new vehicle to drive isn’t the most important part of getting their car on the road; the most important part is coming up with the right personalized license plate.
There’s a lot to consider when coming up with a good personalized plate. For starters, is the plate already in use? Will people understand the abbreviations you’ve come up with? Will the state notice that you’ve spelled out “big tits” if you replace the i’s with 1’s and decline to issue the plate?
Allegedly ‘obscene’ and ‘offensive’ license plates have been in the news quite a bit lately, with buzz-killing state laws ruining the fun for jokers, pervs and all those who wind up driving behind them on the nation’s roads.
Is it truly a good use of a state’s resources to ‘protect’ the public from reading things like “BIG14U” or “KISMYAZ” on a passing vehicle? In the internet age, with all manner of sex and violence available to us within a few clicks on taps, are we seriously worried about the text on license plates corrupting the nation’s youth? How likely is it that anyone will even notice a plate that says “BVETR” let alone make a connection to a sex act? Where can I get a “MILF Mobile” — and does it have all the same badass features as the Batmobile? Get the scoop in Calico’s new post “To Determine Whether I’m Offended, I Need A Translator Who Speaks Gamer.”
by Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com, Exclusive Porn Movies For Gamers
Read On…
When I was about 11 years old, I used to hide out in my bedroom any time my older brother had friends over, especially if my parents weren’t around to provide incentive for the boys to behave themselves.
One afternoon, I sat in my room, trying in futility to read some sci-fi book or another, while my brother and his friends loudly debated a subject of great importance: What my brother should choose as a personalized license plate, now that he had a car of his own.
To call their suggestions juvenile or sophomoric would be far too kind. If there was a word that perfectly combined the meanings of “asinine” and “obscene”, that’s the word I would choose. Maybe there’s some 14-syllable German word that’s up to the task? Schadenasinobecenefrugansphiel, perhaps?
Arizona Is Hot, Our License Plates Are Not
Like any state, our home state of Arizona has banned quite a lot of terms, phrases and coded combinations of letters and numbers, greatly reducing the scope of “awesome” license plates available to fellows like my then-teenage brother and his bozo-tastic bros.
In addition to a list of already-banned plates, Arizona Administrative Code R-17-4-310 specifies that any plates along these lines are prohibited: “Those with a connotation that is profane or obscene, those that connote breasts, genitalia, pubic area, buttocks, sexual functions, eliminatory functions” as well as those which “connote the substance, paraphernalia, sale, user, purveyor of, or physiological state produced by: intoxicants, narcotics (and) illicit drugs.”
(The relevant Arizona code covers a lot more than those things, of course, but since my interests (and hobbies) in life tend towards the obscene, inappropriate and profane, I’ll stop there.)
Arizona even has a handy online form you can use to “report that a license seen on a vehicle has a meaning that is offensive or misleading.”
I don’t know about you, but I sure sleep better at night knowing my state government is there to protect me from having to read license plates like “69GOAT” – which appears on the unsurprisingly long list of prohibited and banned license plate text in Washington, D.C.
The D.C. banned plate list is impressively comprehensive, running from “ABIG14U” to “Z28RS69.” Although, seeing that the list ends with banned plates that begin with numbers, I suppose I should say from “ABIG14U” to “99DYKES.”
Screw ‘Em Brittney: Rock Out with Your TITSOUT
For whatever reason, allegedly “obscene” license plates, bumper stickers and other decorative touches on motor vehicles have been in the news quite a bit lately. One of my favorite stories along these lines involves a van in Maine that has been dubbed the “MILF Mobile.”
In addition to its MILF Mobile decal, the van is adorned with stickers which read “If you’re gonna ride my ass, at least pull my hair,” “Condoms prevent minivans” and “Kids in this bitch, honk if one falls out.” It also sports the license plate “TITSOUT” – a plate you will find on the same banned plate list from Washington, D.C. linked above, by the way.
“Everyone loves my van, except for Karens,” says Brittney Glidden, driver of the MILF Mobile. “Karens hate it.”
As it turns out, Maine’s legislature must have its share of Karens, because the state is now considering bringing back the state’s ban on “obscene, contemptuous, profane or prejudicial” license plates, a ban which was dropped back in 2015.
Motoring MILFs Unite!
Maine isn’t the only state in which there’s current or brewing legal wrangling over license plates. In Tennessee, a woman named Leah Gilliam is suing the state after her plate – “69PWNDU” – has been deemed “offensive” and was revoked by the state.
While I’m familiar with “pwned” as slang term, it had never occurred to me that it would be considered “offensive” – even when paired with that oh-so-shocking number, 69. It also occurs to me that for many of Gilliam’s fellow motorists, it may not have immediately occurred to them that it was a personalized plate in the first place, let along an offensive one.
What happened here? Was a Tennessee Karen driving behind Gilliam with her gamer kid in the back seat when she heard a knowing giggle? Was it someone who felt the message was directed at them specifically, and there were upset by the notion of being “pwned” by “69,” whatever the fuck that means?
I think it’s time for a combination road trip and political protest – a caravan of carnal references, or a “flash MILF mob,” so to speak. Heck, I’d even show up in my own minivan to support the cause – if only Arizona would let me have “AZHOLE” plates.
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