Sex Humor: Source – Fox News Lazy, Not Sharpest Knife in Drawer

Calico Rudasill,

In response to an article about the adult entertainment industry published on the website, a source familiar with shoddy journalism said that is “fundamentally lazy,” “unable to discern certain joints from certain orifices” and “not the sharpest knife in the drawer.”

According to the source, the Fox News article in question broadly suggests that the adult entertainment industry is being sustained largely by revenue generated from so-called “celebrity sex tapes,” like those featuring such universally revered household names as Farrah Abrawhom, Myla Sinajamawhoozit and Sydney Faux-Moniker.

“This same article says the porn industry is a $5 to $10 billion a year industry,” the source noted, adding that this was a number “Fox apparently conjured from deep within the recesses of its collective colon, and for which it offers no source or citation whatsoever.”

Read on…

“Fox News would like us to believe that celebrity sex tapes constitute the dominant revenue generating method for an industry doing $5 to $10 billion a year, and the example they cite accounts for around a half-million bucks,” the source observed. “That’s if you believe Steven Hirsch would provide a mainstream news outlet with accurate information pertaining to his privately-held company’s revenue and the success of its marketing efforts, which is easy to do if you’re unbelievably, mind-numbingly gullible, I suppose.”

“Forget the live cam companies that have never, ever put out a celebrity sex tape and who rake in millions,” the source continued, growing increasingly unhinged and visibly irate. “To hell with advertising revenues generated by free adult sites that rank in the top 1000 of Alexa! Amateur porn? There’s no fucking money in that either, apparently.”

“The best part is the irony here,” the source continued, despite being asked several times to chill out and maybe switch to decaf or something, “which is that perhaps the only company in porn to which this absurd celebrity sex-tape thesis applies is Vivid! Fox News seems to think that Vivid is the canary in porn’s coal mine, but the truth is that most of the actual, current market-leading porn companies don’t give a Teen Mom-neglected kid’s diaper-worth of shit about celebrity sex tapes, and never will.”

Asked for a reaction to the portion of the article alleging an exclusive arrangement of sorts between Vivid and TMZ with respect to celebrity sex tape announcements and publicity, the source got a confused look and shook her head.

“Seriously?” the source said, with an air of disgust bordering on dismay. “It wouldn’t surprise me, but if it is true, doesn’t it prove the author’s thesis is an utter, gargantuan pile of fanciful horseshit? If TMZ cock-blocks all celebrity sex tape news that doesn’t come from Vivid, how can celebrity sex tape tapes possibly be ‘bankrolling’ anybody but Vivid? I mean, what the fuck, Fox News?! Deductive reasoning is not your strong suit, evidently?”

As of press time, the source had drawn a hot bath, cracked a good book, and averred to “take a little break from the fucking Internet for a while,” before her head “explodes from dangerous overexposure to the thoughts and notions of complete imbeciles.”

[ed. Fear not, Vivid! In those occasional slow periods of celebs coming forward to release a sex tape, there are MANY other options out there to broaden the scope!]

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