Sex Humor: 996? No Thanks. 669? I’m Listening…

When it comes to the work conditions which encourage productivity, employers, researchers and employees often find themselves on very different pages. Most bosses seem to believe their employees need to work longer hours and more days, while the data seems to suggest the point of diminishing returns comes sooner than these employers believe it does — and most workers are pretty sure they’d be happier if they didn’t clock in before the sun rises and clock back out after it sets.

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Jack Ma, the founder of Alibaba, made some waves last month defending the idea of “996” — that is, working from 9am to 9pm, six days a week. And while that notion doesn’t sit too well with a lot of working folks, Ma champions another hours-per-day threshold which might be met with more enthusiasm. As it turns out, Jack wants his employees to work long hours, love their jobs, then go home and fuck like rabbits in their time off.

So, what does Jack recommend for his employees’ sex lives? Find out in Calico’s latest post, “996? No Thanks. 669? I’m Listening…”

by Calico Rudasill, Porn Movies For Women and Couples

I get lost sometimes in the sea of numbers people use in place of words. Sure, I know 24/7 means constantly, or ‘all day, every day,’ and 24/7/365 emphasizes that someone’s 24/7 applies year-round, but once you get past that, I get confused in a hurry.

Last month, I was exposed to a new numeric shorthand – 996 – when Alibaba founder Jack Ma defended the idea of working from 9am to 9pm, six days a week.

I have three words for Jack Ma when it comes to 996: Fuck that shit.

I’m Calling Bull-#2 on 996

Working 12 hours a day, six days a week adds up to a 72-hour work week, something I haven’t come close to since I was in my 20s and was a low-level employee at a software company, trying to make an impression on the boss and work my way up the corporate ladder.

Seeing as how I only made it about two rungs up the 50-step ladder in question, I came away from my 996 experience (which, honestly, was far less regimented than 996 and more like “875+1041”) strongly suspecting that it ‘worked’ best for the people way above me in the company – people who, by and large, were NOT working 72 hours a week. (Which, some evidence suggests, may have been wise on their part.)

That’s not how Ma sees things, though. To him, all someone needs to be happy in a 996 job is for it to be the right 996 job.

“If we find things we like, 996 is not a problem,” Ma reportedly wrote in a blog post at the time. “If you don’t like [your work], every minute is torture.”

Well, I think he got the second part of that right, at least.

Cringeworthy Corporatese Aside, Jack May be on to Something with 669

Still, while I might think Ma doesn’t know jack (see what I did there?) about what’s reasonable to expect from employees in terms of the duration of their work week, he has other numeral-signified ideas to which I’m far more open. I’m speaking, of course, of 669.

“At work, we emphasize the spirit of 996. In life, we should follow 669,” Ma said at a mass wedding for Alibaba employees. “What is 669? Six days, six times, with duration being the key.”

Sex six times a day, six days a week adds up to 36 encounters a week – which, unless you’ve got some serious stamina, still amounts to less than Jack thinks you should be working. (Evidently, in Chinese, the word for “nine” sounds a lot like the word for “long,” btw.) And all that daily boning should lead to more than just a lot of orgasms too, according to Ma.

“The first KPI of marriage is to have results,” Ma said. “There must be products. What is the product? Have children.”

OK, so it’s a little creepy to think of your children as “products,” but let’s not get too caught up in semantics here. In that same spirit, I’m not even going to mention how incredibly romantic it isn’t to discuss marriage in terms of its “Key Performance Indicator.” (Oops; I guess I just did mention it, didn’t I? Oh well…)

Adjust as Needed for Optimal Results

Sure, having sex six days a week might be too much for some people, but I think adhering to the spirit of what Ma said is more important than slavishly sticking by the numbers. So, if 669 is a bit much for you, you can start by shooting for, say, 429, or even 319

I ran all these work/sex week calculations past my husband, and he said he’s not sure his back can handle 669 – or 996, for that matter. Accordingly, we’re going to pace ourselves a bit, on both fronts.

In terms of work, we’re aiming for “34N” which means 3 hours a day, 4 days a week for as long as is Needed. In our sex life, we’re setting an initial goal of “61H” – which means 6 days a week, 1 hour a day, or until it just Hurts too much to continue.

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