Remind Me: Which Way Do I Swipe If I Want To Not Get Shot?

Remind Me: Which Way Do I Swipe If I Want To Not Get Shot?

As someone who found the love of her life (or close enough, anyway) before online dating had really gained a swipe foothold, Calico is just about completely when it comes to dating sites, hookup apps, or finding prospective new lovers among the millions of strangers on Facebook. She knows “swiping right” and “swiping left” indicate different things, but she’s not sure what they indicate, or whether this varies depending on the platform one is using at the time.

Calico does suspect this much, though: Even among the most spontaneous, fun-loving and adventurous online daters, it must be considered rude to show up for a date and proceed to ask your date to do something completely different than what the two (or more) of you had originally planned.

This just seems like common sense. Just as you wouldn’t show up at a blind date that was supposed to involve catching a movie and demand that your date take you to the zoo instead, you really shouldn’t suggest to your date that a quick and simple one night stand is in the offing, when what you really have in mind is something that requires a lot more commitment.

If you’re wondering what sort of poor first-date behavior got Calico thinking about the finer points of online dating etiquette, you can find out in her new post: “Remind Me: Which Way Do I Swipe If I Want To Not Get Shot?”

by Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com Porn form Women

Mostly because I’ve been in a relationship with my now-husband since before online dating sites and hookup apps were a thing, it’s an area of online life in which I have zero experience.

Yes, it’s amazing but true: I’ve never swiped right or left. For that matter, I’m not entirely certain which way I’m supposed to swipe to indicate my interest or lack thereof, or whether there are other actions I could take which indicate the intensity of my approval or disapproval. If I violently shake my phone while looking at a guy’s profile, does that communicate “Yes, please!” or “What were you even thinking with that suggestion, app?”

Is There a Swipe for “No Violent Felons, Please”?

I can probably live without knowing the answer to the question above, but judging by a piece of news I read recently, there is one bit of the online dating site/app protocol I would like to learn, just in case. Namely, I’d like to know which way I should swipe to indicate that I do NOT want to get shot.

As the story goes, an unidentified victim had the misfortune of connecting online with Daniel Alexander Wargo and Summer Louise Desjardin – and instead of meeting for sex, those two opted to shoot and rob the poor fellow, instead.

According to the Detroit Free Press, a preliminary investigation by police “indicated Desjardin and the man met on Facebook and had arranged for her to visit for sex.”

“Police believe after Desjardin entered the home, her boyfriend, Wargo, came in with a handgun and announced a robbery,” the Free Press adds. “Wargo is accused of shooting the Warren man after he refused to cooperate.”

I’m assuming here that the part of the arrangement the Warren man declined to cooperate with was the conniving pair’s newly announced intent to commit a robbery, not the part where he was supposed to have sex with Desjardin. After all, if you invite yourself over to my place to have sex, I’d think it was awfully rude of you to just sort of slip the idea of robbing me into the mix without any advance notice.

Look, Daniel and Summer, it’s really very simple: It’s all about consent. If you have a breaking and entering sexual fantasy you’re interested in indulging, then you need to disclose that to your prospective blind date, before you go sticking a gun in his face – let alone firing said gun into his torso.

Dear Abby: Is it Rude to Swipe and  Rob on the First Date?

Given my inexperience in this area of cyber life, I freely admit to being ignorant of the protocols and commonly accepted etiquette when it comes to online dating. Still, I’m compelled to believe that if you’re going to shoot and rob someone, failing to arrange for such in advance is highly frowned upon, no?

Then again, looking over an article which purports to offer the “10 Commandments of Online Dating,” there’s certainly nothing explicit in there about not shooting or robbing your date. I trust this is merely an oversight? Or maybe not shooting your date somehow falls under the First Commandment, “Thou shalt not say things thou does not mean,” even though in this case, it would be more not saying things you do mean, like “Ima shoot you in the chest as ‘foreplay,’ if that’s cool by you?”

By the way, that same 10 Commandments article says there’s a study out of the University of Oregon which indicates “men are most likely to lie about their occupations on dating apps,” so I’m betting it was Daniel who came up with the idea of not telling the victim about the couple’s apparent burgling fetish. 

On the other hand, the same study evidently said women “tend to have less photographs than men in that they’re either old images or recent ones that have been heavily edited” – so maybe Daniel did responsibly post images that clearly showed the two of them holding pistols to signal their felonious intent to prospective dates, but Summer later photoshopped them to swap in kittens for the handguns.

We Need a New Term for This Swipte Behavior

Unsurprisingly, the world of online dating has developed its own jargon, including a lot of terms that can be very confusing to a novice like me. I mean, it makes sense that “breadcrumbing” means leading a person on, but I don’t really understand why rejecting someone is called “curving.”

In any event, we clearly need a new term for what the likes of Daniel and Summer have been up to. “Catfishburgling” perhaps? Or maybe their particular brand of fun can be acronymized as FWB-BWWASYFK, as in “Friends With Benefits – But Who Will Also Shoot You For Kicks.”