Why is it when men cheat on their wives, girlfriends or fiances, a lot of people so quick to blame the “other woman,” rather than point a finger at the cheater himself? Calico has been asking herself that question as she reads about the breakup of Khloe Kardashian and Tristan Thompson, especially after Khloe tweeted at Jordyn Woods that “You ARE the reason my family broke up!”
Here’s the thing: His alleged fling with Jordyn isn’t the first Tristan has engaged in. Is Jordyn responsible for the other times he strayed from the path, too? In light of those past incidents, shouldn’t Tristan shoulder most of the blame for breaking up the Thompson/Kardashian clan?
The sad truth of the matter is people who cheat once will, more often than not, cheat again. What happened to Khloe sucks — and sure as hell ain’t her fault — but let’s get real for a minute: In this world, it’s “cheat on me once, shame on you, cheat on me twice…”
Read all about it in Calico’s latest post, “Oh Sure – Blame The Women He Cheats With, Not The Cheater”
by Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com, Porn For Women and Couples Movies and More.
When I first read about Khloe Kardashian splitting up with her pro basketball playing boyfriend Tristan Thompson over his alleged tryst with Khloe’s pal Jordyn Woods, my first thought was maybe Khloe should try dating pro football or baseball players instead. After all, it’s not like this is the first basketball player-relationship of hers to end poorly.
My next thought was a question: Why, given his history, do Khloe and kompany seem to be focusing their ire exclusively on Jordyn, when this isn’t the first time Tristan has strayed from the path of monogamy?
Cheat on Me Once, Shame on You…
The episode linked above in which Tristan brought a woman back to the Four Seasons with him is not a matter of ancient history – it’s something that happened last April, less than a year ago. It also wasn’t Tristan’s only alleged incident of cheating on that same weekend – another woman posted to Instagram (then quickly took down) a video in which she claimed she was having sex with Tristan.
Presumably, even the Kardashians don’t think Jordyn Woods is responsible for those incidents, too – but do they blame Tristan at all, or do they just consider Lani Blair (who was identified as the woman with him at the Four Seasons) and the other woman less successful ‘homewreckers’ than Jordyn?
This Just In: Lovers Who Cheat Once Tend to Cheat Again
The idea “once a cheater, always a cheater” isn’t just homespun wisdom, or a commonly-held but misguided belief. It is, in fact, the title of a study in which researchers from the University of Denver found that “those who were unfaithful in one relationship had three times the odds of being unfaithful in the next, when compared to those who had not been unfaithful in the first relationship.”
The same study also found one of the “common risk factors” for infidelity was “being a man versus being a woman.” In other words, while women who cheat once are likely to cheat again, men who have cheated once are even more likely to do so (although the researchers did say “this may be changing” as rates of infidelity by women are on the rise).
Your Choices: Put Up with Cheating, or Dump the Chump
While I will always have some sympathy for people who get cheated on by their spouses and significant others, I’ll admit my level of sympathy declines in subsequent incidents involving the same unfaithful lover.
Some years back, a friend of mine confided in me that she had discovered her by-then-fiancé had cheated on her twice during the years they’d been together, and now she was worried he might do so again, maybe even after they got married. (My very strong hunch was that he’d been unfaithful more than the two times he admitted to – those were just the ones he couldn’t deny, because proof had emerged.)
It may have been harsh on my part, but I told her she basically had to suck it up and do a very difficult thing, one way or the other. She had to either decide being with him was worth putting up with occasional infidelity, or break off their engagement and start over with someone else.
My friend was appalled at this suggestion and said I was being very cold and unsupportive. Perhaps I was – but here we are, several years later, and she’s divorced, following the revelation that her husband had several affairs with coworkers.
I hate to say I told you so, but…
Live and Learn, Khloe
Don’t get me wrong – none of the above is me saying any of this is Khloe’s fault. Just because it’s predictable that someone will cheat on you again doesn’t make it your fault it happened.
What I hope is Khloe learns something from all of this and either shows zero tolerance for men who cheat on her in the future or develops a perspective wherein it’s not the end of the world (or of the family unit) when it does happen.
I know plenty of couples who have stuck with each other, happily and successfully, through incidents of infidelity. If your relationship is otherwise, on balance, a loving and rewarding one, I have no doubt it can survive infidelity, or even serial infidelity.
Just do us all this favor, Khloe: Don’t follow up this messy ending of your relationship with Tristan by immediately dating some other guy who is already known to dog around, then ask the world to shed tears for you when he steps out on you, too.
Calico’s work has appeared under various pen names in adult industry trade journals and on several mainstream op-ed portals, including the Huffington Post.
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