Oh Good; Jon Gosselin Is A Male Stripper Now

by Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com Porn For Women

I’m not a big reality TV viewer, so my exposure to Jon Gosselin (of “Jon & Kate Plus 8” fame) has been limited to reading his name on the cover of tabloid newspapers visible from the 10-items-or-less express lane at my local Safeway. From this vantage point, what I’ve gleaned about Gosselin has been minimal and obvious: He and someone name ‘Kate’ had a shitload of kids together, participated in a reality TV show, then got divorced.

Read on…

If I were to rank the above description in terms of how compelling I find it, it would land somewhere between whatever it was my husband was ranting about during a recently televised college basketball game (something about a coach running out of timeouts with several minutes to go in a game and how, by all rights, this fact should disqualify said coach from being considered a fully sentient human) and whatever it is my husband will rant about during the next basketball game he watches – or perhaps the next news program he watches, since he has a tendency to yell at those a lot, too.

Still, even I get interested when the subject turns to male strippers, especially if the strippers happen to be wearing one of those spiffy little black bow ties.

‘Blessings’ Just Aren’t What They Used To Be, I Guess

In explaining how he wound up on the roster of Dusk Nightclub’s “Untamed Male Revue” show Gosselin chose some highfalutin terms to describe his progress from ex-reality TV show star to his current, evidently untamed, manhood.

“I DJ at the club sometimes, but I find promotion is more rewarding both financially and emotionally,” Gosselin said. “I like taking care of people and making others feel welcome. I’m an integral part of the show. Being part of something is a blessing. Since I joined Senate DJ I’ve felt like I belong to something and I’m not just out there on my own. I feel as if I’m part of a fraternity or brotherhood.”

On the one hand, this blessing seems a far cry (and, arguably, a long fall) from what a certain religious text describes as the world’s first blessing, which involved an omnipresent being telling a bunch of birds and sea creatures to be fruitful and multiply. On the other hand, I suppose it’s a good thing Gosselin found a way to feel like he’s part of something bigger than himself without spawning eight more children – not to mention a minimum of two more reality TV shows dedicated to publicizing those additional children and another future ex-wife.

Either way, folks in the greater Atlantic City area now have another local entertainment option which doesn’t involve gambling – unless of course some enterprising AC bookie has come up with a way to offer an over/under wager on how many minutes into the show Jon’s pants come off, on without running afoul of New Jersey’s ban on sports-related gambling.

Or Maybe This Is Just An Elaborate April Fool’s Joke

Gosselin is slated to begin his run as an untamed male stripper this Saturday, which in addition to being his 40th birthday also happens to be the first of April.

Call me a skeptic, but now that I know the schedule for Gosselin’s debut as a male peeler, I’m having a hard time shaking the idea this whole thing is nothing more than a publicity stunt doubling as an elaborate April Fool’s Day prank.

For the sake of Dusk Nightclub, I hope this isn’t the case – mostly because the entry fee for the event is $40, which would be quite steep for a bait and switch. Trust me, the last thing any nightclub wants to witness is the collective disappointment and ire of dozens of ginned-up, half-drunk horny ladies who someone just scammed out of 40 bucks.

I’m picturing tables turned over, discarded-from-stage male undergarments torn to shreds and profligate weeping and gnashing of teeth. Think “Black Friday meets Chippendales,” only instead of the Chippendales dancers, the bar has offered up the voice talent actors behind Chip and Dale.

As little interest as I have in watching this guy do anything, I do hope for the sake of those who attend the show the promised appearance of Gosselin is legit and advertised. Heck, I’ll even confess to being a little curious what sort of choreography he’ll choose to accompany his ‘old school’ musical selections, which reportedly will include tracks by Tupac Shakur and Bobby Brown.

“Part of me is Bobby Brown ‘My Prerogative,’” Gosselin said. “Because it is my prerogative! It’s not anyone else’s business.”

I’m with you on that, Jon – up to a point.

It is indeed nobody else’s business…. Right up until you tear off your leather chaps and begin thrusting your (presumably well-practiced) pelvis to the beat of “Only God Can Judge Me.” At that point, it will be a little late in the game to ask the club to kill the spotlight so you and your crotch can have some privacy.

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