Don’t you hate it when myths you love turns out to be false? Calico sure does – which is why she wishes the likes of Snopes, MythBusters and other buzzkilling fact-checkers would leave certain claims alone, so we could continue to enjoy them as though they were true. Things like jet-propelled cars embedding themselves into mountainsides but still having legible and relevant bumper stickers, for example — or in the latest case of a beloved myth debunked, warnings issued by cruise ships reminding passengers not to have sex with the pizza provided on the buffet.Read all about it in Calico’s latest post, “Some Myths Are Better Left Unexamined”
by Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com Porn For Women
I don’t watch it much anymore, but there was a time when I was a big fan of the show “MythBusters.” Part of my affection for the show rested in the irresistibly nerdy nature of its hosts, Adam Savage and Jamie Hyneman, and part was my own fascination with the experiments and tests they set up to confirm or debunk the various myths they explored in each episode.
As much I enjoy this sort of thing though, there are some myths, urban legends and internet-driven hoaxes which have so much entertainment value, I find myself wishing the people who debunked them would have left them alone.
Certain stories behind past recipients of past Darwin Awards, for example, I wish nobody had taken the time to refute, like the jet-assisted take off (JATO) car one from the mid-90s. Sure, if you thought about it for a minute, the story seemed implausible from the start, but the image of a vehicle decimated by flying into the side of a cliff, but somehow still sporting a legible bumper sticker which read “How do you like my driving? Dial 1-800-EAT-SHIT” was just too good not to believe.
My latest disappointment along these lines is maybe the most disappointing of all: It turns out passengers of the “Holy Ship!” floating EDM festival were not issued an official request to not have sex with the pizza provided on the cruise.
Here I Was Wondering Which Toppings Impart The Most Pleasure…
I picked up this story what seems like only moments before the truth emerged – which means I didn’t even have time to come up with a decent sausage pizza joke before Snopes was all over it with their customary buzzkill skepticism.
“Claim: The Norwegian Cruise Line posted a message on one of their ships explaining that the open pizza bar was for consumption only and asked passengers to refrain from having sex with their lunches,” the Snopes post read, I assume written by someone laughing so hard, milk came out her/his nose as they typed. “Rating: FALSE.”
“Although this regulation was posted on the ship, it was not an official memo from the Norwegian Cruise Line issued in response to a passenger’s having engaged in sex with a pizza,” the Snopes report continues. “The document was created as a prank by an attendee of Holy Ship!”
Sure, it’s important to debunk some sex myths, but I feel like this one could have waited until after I’d had my fun with it. After all, it’s not like there was some poor, depressed 10” cheese pizza out there feeling bad about itself because it was on the buffet next to an 18” pepperoni and mushroom pie.
Wait, Nobody Lost Their Genitals After Having Sex With Frosty, Either?
Making matters worse, it turns out one of my another of my favorite sexual entries of the “News of the Weird” variety from recent years was bullshit, too. I’m speaking, of course, of the time a Canadian man reportedly had sex with a snowman then lost his penis to frostbite.
“Most accounts cited a (since-deleted) page on a web site called Busted in Acadiana which was dated 21 January 2013 and featured a (once widely-circulated) photograph of what appeared to be news article evidencing the claim,” Snopes observed in its post debunking the snow-bite-penis-loss claim. “That image led to the original source of the story, Sunday Sport, an outlet described by Wikipedia as somewhat akin to the Weekly World News as an unambiguous peddler of complete fabrications.”
Wait a minute; the Weekly World News is “an unambiguous peddler of complete fabrications”? You mean to tell me Bat Boy isn’t real, either?
That sinks it; I’m taking the rest of the day off to convalesce in a hyperbaric chamber, just like Michael Jackson used to do… I think.
Calico’s work has appeared under various pen names in adult industry trade journals and on several mainstream op-ed portals, including the Huffington Post.