Guys love lingerie. But admit it: When some of you see your woman in a lacy, breast-lifting, curve-hugging number and think, “I can’t wait to squeeze myself into that,” you’re not talking about her. You’re talking about her teddy.
Well, Sweet Transvestite, do I have good news for you. There is now a full line of lingerie made just for men by HommeMystere.com – loads of frilly things cut to fit your broad shoulders, longer torso, narrow hips and with a crotch designed to accommodate your Doctor Frankenfurter.
This is the best thing for equal rights since some genius come up with pink auto tools for women. Until then we had no earthly idea what we were looking at when we lifted the hood of our cars. But then we got pink tools and might as well have grown dicks to go with our magically acquired mechanical skills.
And it’s the same way with lingerie. Because just as women should try mechanics, men deserve the whole lingerie experience, which is one part feeling sexy, one part looking-sexy and one part masochistic gymnastic exercise. Believe me, the latter is not something a guy can fully appreciate until he spends an hour trying to find a corset that fits, and then spends another hour getting the seams straight in his stockings before trying to hook those back garters.
Just like lingerie for women, the designs at HommeMystere are made to flatter the less than perfect body. After all, we can’t all look like Miranda Kerr or Tim Curry. The man bras – which I think should have been called bros – even come in underwire for pecs that aren’t as perky as they used to be. But for peckers that are still perky, there’s something extra special – in addition to the man-panties, teddies and G-strings, the company makes something called a “C-string.” I’m not sure why it’s called that because there’s no string than I can see. It looks more like a frilly condom.
According to the website, the C-string is made of “satin, lace and whalebone.” How convenient is that? If a guy told me he had whalebone in his pants I’d have to check it out.
Customers aren’t shy about reviewing the products at HommeMystere. The “Fun Panty” got high marks from one guy who said, “Very nice fabric and very nice fit. The wide crotch is very accommodating….It is so nice to find nice fitting panties that are made for men.”
Wow. Brag much?
But the one-size-fits-all C-string did not please another customer, who went on to protesteth a bit too much. “I am fairly well endowed,” he began (because no one starts a review by admitting to a micro-penis.) “Let me just say, IT DID NOT FIT,” he went on. “I felt like I had literally placed a rubber band around my nether regions. The sizing chart for this particular item is not as universal as one would think. However my wife loved the lace detailing and we had quite the night.”
Indeed. And even if he didn’t have enough “C” for the C-string, you’ve got to hand it to a guy with the balls to dress it up with lace because his woman likes it that way.
Now that’s devotion, and it’s enough to make a girl shiver with antici….pation.