Look at this Way, Kid: At Least it Wasn’t a Chain Viper
There are certain rules of restroom conduct that Calico feels everyone should know. “Please don’t leave the seat up,” for example. “Close the damn door, because I’m right here in bed reading and I don’t WANT to watch you pee” is another.
As it turns out, in some places in the world, there’s at least one other restroom rule Calico now believes people — especially men — should follow.
This new rule is inspired by a story out of Thailand, about a young man named Sirahop and a fateful trip to the restroom that not only included a visit to a local hospital and three stitches in his penis, but a pants-around-ankles, bleeding-penis running and screaming session that took place in front of his mother.
What the hell happened? Why was Sirahop’s penis bleeding and need of stitches? If you’re a man reading this right now, do you really want to know?
Read all about in Calico’s new post: “Look at this Way, Kid: At Least it Wasn’t a Chain Viper”
by Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com Adult Movies For Women and Couples
Of the many, many euphemisms out there for the penis, my longtime favorite is “one-eyed trouser snake.” I think the main reason for this preference is my childhood obsession with Monty Python and the fact the phrase made it into the magnificent “Penis Song” from The Meaning of Life.
Of course, having an actual snake in one’s trousers is an entirely different story. If I had a penis, I would certainly avoid allowing it to comingle with literal snakes, because that’s just a scene from Jackass 2 waiting to happen.
The Serpent and the Rain-Bowl
To be fair, some of the times when a man’s trouser snake has wound up encountering a literal snake, it clearly wasn’t by design, unlike the stunt in which Chris Pontius dressed his dick like a mouse and knowingly provoked a captive serpent.
Take the tale of Siraphop Masukarat, for example, which had my husband wincing so hard during his reading of it that the experience may have left permanent scarring on his forehead. Poor Sirahop wasn’t making a movie with Johnny Knoxville or indulging some vorarephilia-driven fantasy; he was merely trying to use the toilet.
As the always professional, never sensationalist Mirror puts it, Sirahop “went to the loo on Tuesday evening when he felt a sudden searing pain in his manhood.”
“The university student looked down and saw the python with its jaws clamped around the tip of his penis,” the report continues. “It quickly let go as blood spurted around the toilet bowl.”
I’m assuming by “it” let go, the Mirror means the python, not that Sirahop has a prehensile love pump which he was using to fight back against the python.
“This Can’t Get Any Worse!! Oh… Hi, Mom.”
Making matters worse, Sirahop lives with his parents, so not only did run screaming out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles and a bleeding pocket rocket, he did so in full view of his mother.
On the bright side, it sounds like Sirahop’s mom, Sutapath, did a good job managing the situation, despite being understandably freaked out, herself.
“The teenager’s panic-stricken mother calmed him down before paramedics rushed the lad to the nearby Bang Yai Hospital for treatment.”
This must have been a fun one to explain to the doctors at Bang Yai, eh? “Reason for visit: Python bit tallywhacker.”
Luckily, it doesn’t sound like Sirahop’s wounds were too bad; the docs only had to give him three stitches and a bit of antibacterial wash around the bite wound.
My New Favorite Toast: “If Your Sausage Must Be Bitten, Let it Be a Python Who Bites It!”
In another sign that Sirahop’s mother has a good head on her shoulders – or maybe it’s a sign of the exact opposite, given that it was the first thought I had, too – Sutapath quickly pointed out the silver lining on this meat thermometer-shaped cloud.
“I know the snake really hurt my son but I’m relieved it was only a non-venomous python,” Sutapath said. “If it was a cobra, he would be dead.”
Sutapath isn’t just throwing that cobra example out there to be dramatic, by the way. Among the numerous varieties of venomous snakes in Thailand are several types of cobra, oodles of vipers and a slew of sea snakes.
So, fellows, let Sirahop’s woeful story be a cautionary tale to you all: Before dangling your doodle or pointing your prick, particularly if you must do so while squatting in a restroom in Thailand, always check the bowl first!
You never know, gentlemen; the pickle you spare pain by following this advice just might be your own.
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