Lascivious, Sure – But “Unnatural” Seems A Bit Much

Sometimes, Calico wonders how the usage of certain legal terms works, or how it is that the specific language used to charge someone with a crime seems so far from the alleged crime itself. How can a plea bargain redefine reality in such a way that someone caught with tons of drugs ultimately stands accused of simple possession of “paraphernalia?” Why does “money laundering” not necessarily involve washing machines and severely wrinkled wads of cash?


Calico has something similar on her mind today, as she reads about a couple arrested for having oral sex in the parking lot of an apartment building in Cape Canaveral, Florida. Read all about it in her latest post, “Lascivious, Sure – But “Unnatural” Seems A Bit Much” …

by Calico Rudasill, Porn For Women

One of the strangest things about the American criminal justice system is the terminology we use in describing crimes – terms which often seem to have little to do with what allegedly happened in the committing of a crime.

This is especially true once things like plea bargains come into play, as those wind up transforming reality in strange, unexpected ways. Like the time an old college classmate of mine got busted with literally hundreds of pounds of marijuana, but later plea-bargained his way down to a charge of “possession of paraphernalia” – meaning according the legal record books, a guy who had enough weed in his house to build another house out of it officially was guilty of having a pipe in his pocket.

You don’t have to wait until the lawyers get involved for strange terms to rear their oddball heads, though, as a recent arrest in Florida demonstrates.

But First, A Word About Overreacting…

Look, no matter what you’re doing in the parking lot of an apartment building in Cape Canaveral, even if you’re in process of receiving super pleasurable oral sex, you just can’t respond to being interrupted by getting violent – which is, reportedly, exactly what Nicole Vargas and Colton Voegele allegedly did to a witness who “asked them to stop.”

“(Vargas) proceeded to rip the victim’s shirt off by the neck causing the buttons to rip out, punch him in the chest with a closed fist and hit the victim on the back of the head,” according to a police report, while Voegele “punched the witness in the head and jaw after being confronted.”

On the one hand, I get it: I wouldn’t want some busybody interrupting my oral pleasure session, either – but that’s why I generally don’t choose parking lots as a venue for getting or giving head. I understand there’s a certain thrill to having sex in public, but as fate would have it, I’m allergic to handcuffs.

Anyway, About Those Odd Terms…

According to the cops, Vargas and Voegel (which, come to think of it, sounds more like a law firm than two people who now need the services of a law firm) were arrested and charged with “unnatural and lascivious acts in public, battery and exposure of sexual organs.”

I get the part where a blowjob or cunnilingus counts as a “lascivious act,” given the definition of lascivious, but unnatural, really?

If oral sex is unnatural, then every man I’ve ever been with sure had (and continues to have, presumably) a strong desire to engage in unnatural sex acts – or, more accurately, to be on the receiving end of such.

Don’t tell that to The Man, though, whether The Man is the state of Florida, the federal government or some preacher who hasn’t been caught with a prostitute yet. All of those entities probably do consider oral sex to be something which isn’t “in accordance with nature or consistent with a normal course of events.”

Where I come from (and what I cum from, for that matter), oral sex sure as hell is part of the “normal course of events” once foreplay reaches a certain point – by which I mean the point where foreplay starts.

I think, out of respect for the plain meaning of these words in the English language, Florida ought to drop the first charge listed above and just charge Vargas and Voegel with battery and exposure of sexual organs.

The only thing which confuses about those other two charges is a technical issue: I didn’t even know organs ran on batteries!

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