Consent is an extremely important personal, social and ethical issue in the BDSM culture. It’s something that is fascinating to the outside observers, but it’s nevertheless just as critical to the participants.
To outside observers, most BDSM types of relationships seem consensual, but that’s not always the case. However, giving permission to take part in certain types of acts, such as role-playing involving bondage, discipline, dominance and submission is the necessary first step that is almost never overlooked.
Read on…
Types of Consent
The principle behind giving consent is to allow legitimate personal freedom while protecting participants from legal consequences in case there is any serious harm. Also, consent can only be given between consenting adults and is not legally binding.
The BDSM culture goes as far as to have different forms of consent. As they are fully aware of the psychological importance of giving consent, BDSM members give it and take it in many forms. One of the most popular forms is written consent given on a “Dungeon Negotiation Form”, while many people will accept a simple verbal agreement.
Another form of consent is the temporary consent, which is given for an hour or for an evening. Some people will even require a “scene contract” that can be a very detailed document spread across many pages, detailing exactly who does what.
“Slave contracts” are usually long-term contracts between partners that define the nature and limits of a relationship. There is almost always a safe word involved that signals an act has gone too far and needs to stop.
Consensual non-consent is the most controversial type of consent. It is an agreement between partners to act as if consent has been waived without the knowledge of the type of actions that will be performed. Although consensual non-consent is a sign of extreme trust, it is frowned upon because it can lead to serious psychological harm.
It is clear that consent is not only crucial in BDSM relationships, but it usually involves long-term partners for protection against various kinds of consequences. Consent is also vital in short-term encounters, such as snap sex or ‘pick up’ play in BDSM clubs for the same reasons.
Negotiation
Negotiation is essentially a discussion between partners about what is acceptable and what is off the table. Negotiation is an important step in giving consent and it can be formal or informal. Formal negotiation includes a checklist of all acts that are acceptable and a checklist of those that are not. Informal negotiation usually involves figuring out what works and what doesn’t along the way. All types of negotiations and consent establish clear boundaries so that everyone is comfortable with what they’re doing.
Legal and Ethical Issues
In legal terms, some BDSM activities fall under the category of rape or assault if performed without consent. In most cases, when two consenting adults perform sexual acts together their actions will not be considered a crime, but this certainly raises some ethical issues, such as what is consent, who can give consent, and are there acts that should not be allowed even if there is consent?
In any case, consent is crucial in any form of a BDSM relationship, and once it is given both partners can relax and enjoy the acts together.
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