Having Sex With A Ghost is Fine – Just Be Sure It’s Not a Demon
Sex advice columnists get asked a lot of tricky, sensitive questions. Some of those questions are easier to address than others — and some require the person offering the advice to consider possibilities that may strike them as strange, unlikely, or even insane.
Thankfully for us all, Calico is NOT a sex advice columnist. This doesn’t mean she can’t occasionally offer a helping hand, particularly when sex advice columnists have already taken a crack at offering their counsel and missed the mark.
Take a recent letter to one of Slate’s “How to Do It” advice columnists. Because of the counselor’s own skepticism regarding claims of supernatural occurrences, he’s not able to provide the reader with sound, helpful advice. Enter Calico, who is far more steeped in the mysterious ways of spectrophilia than the average advice columnist.
What is the spiritual/sexual dilemma faced by the concerned citizen who wrote in to Slate? Can a ghost wear a condom? What does any of this have to do with hydroxychloroquine? Find out in Calico’s latest post “Having Sex With A Ghost is Fine – Just Be Sure It’s Not a Demon”
By Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com, Non-Demonic Porn Movies For Women and Couples
Over on Slate, Juzwiak recently found himself counseling a reader who wrote in to express concern over a friend who claims to be having sex with a ghost during self-quarantine – and I must say, I don’t think his advice is particularly helpful.
To me, Juzwiak glosses over the most important points concerning spectrophilia, giving short shrift (or indeed, no shrift at all) to the many risks, benefits, pleasures and perils of knocking boots with an incubus, succubus, or… hmmm…. or whatever it is we call ghosts who are gender-fluid.
First, A Little Background
“I’m worried my friend actually believes she has been having sex with a ghost in quarantine,” writes the concerned citizen, identified as “BOO!”
BOO goes on to add that in a conversation earlier this year, the ghost-fucking friend “mentioned to me that she’d been masturbating while thinking of a man who lived in her apartment in the 1920s.”
“I assumed she meant it as a fantasy, and we had a good laugh,” BOO writes. “But in subsequent conversations, she named the man John, and she’s begun referring to him when I mention things my partner has been doing, like her stories are complementary: John said this, John did this, John is having a bad day.”
Now, with the city she lives in slowly emerging from lockdown, BOO’s friend is thinking about reconnecting with an old flame – but frets that it might upset John, her spectral lover.
“We talk over the phone, so it’s hard to read her expression when she mentions John, but at this point I know as much about him as I would about a real man she’s dating,” BOO writes. “I can’t tell if this is harmless or if I should have a more direct conversation with her about it. What do you think?”
Oh, So She Must Be on Drugs?
Juzwiak suggests that BOO’s friend “either is fully aware of how ridiculous this is or not at all, and the latter case would be cause for concern… probably.”
Referencing a book called How to Change Your Mind, Juzwiak then speculates that perhaps BOO’s friend has been experimenting with psychedelic drugs. Either way, the advice columnist says, BOO should call the friend on her shit and ask for proof.
“I think a conversation about her dubious claims is in order, and if she’s so convinced that she has not broken from reality, suggest (in a nonconfrontational manner) that she provide proof,” Juzwiak writes. “Has John left her any gifts? Photos? Anything tangible at all? Perhaps just giving your friend such a task will be enough to illuminate the ridiculousness of what she’s saying.”
This is great advice – if BOO is a skeptic like Juzwiak and what BOO is really looking for here is to have one fewer friend in this world.
Personally, I would take an entirely different approach, one that shows true concern for a friend and reveals BOO to be compassionate, helpful and up with the latest in science and medicine.
Heed the Warnings of Doctor Immanuel!
Juzwiak may be skeptical of people who claim to have sex with ghosts, but clearly he’s not up on the latest scientific and medical literature on the subject of sex with the otherworldly – by which I mean the proclamations of the Trump family’s favorite new member of the medical community, Dr. Stella Immanuel.
Other people can talk about Anthony Fauci’s credentials all they like – but I don’t see “God’s battle axe and weapon of war” or “Deliverance Minister” anywhere on his CV. And if I were in BOO’s position, Dr. Immanuel is the doctor/spiritualist/alternative cosmologist to whom I’d turn!
The good news for BOO’s ghost-fucking pal is that the basics of safe spectral sex are very easy to understand. The bad news is, they may be harder to follow, depending on the nature of her ghost lover.
For example, while it’s very clear from Dr. Immanuel’s teachings that having sex with a demon while dreaming is to be avoided, what’s less clear to me is how to tell the difference between a benevolent, ghostly fuck-buddy like John and an incubus, like Ryan Gosling.
Happily, either way, Dr. Immanuel has BOO’s friend covered, because even if John is a demon, Immanuel’s Fire Power Deliverance Ministries knows all about “Deliverance from Spirit wives and Spirit Husbands.”
In case you’re wondering, Rich Juzwiak, that is what solid ghost-sex advice looks like. (You’re welcome.)
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