Britain's Got Porn Talent?

by Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com Porn For Women

Within the porn industry, there’s long been a debate over a question which sounds, on its face, like it should be an easy one: What is required of someone to be considered a “porn star”?

Read on…

One of my industry friends, a guy who performed in a single scene many years ago, told me that in his experience, any amount of sexual activity in front of a camera is the sole requirement.

“I did one scene, pretty badly actually, in 2000-fucking-3,” he told me over drinks at a trade show in 2012, shaking his head at what is, for him at least, a distant memory. “And to this day, my friends just won’t let me live it down. I’ve been a software engineer for 25 years, but after one time of getting blown on camera, I’m forever a ‘porn star’ in their minds. There’s just no shaking this shit.”

Something tells me Britain’s Got Talent (“BGT”) contestant Adam Keeler knows exactly how that feels, right about now.

When The Truth Isn’t Salacious Enough, Just Get Vague

Let’s suppose you want to reveal someone used to be a gay porn performer, but the truth doesn’t quite bear out the claim; what do you do?

Well, if you’re a British tabloid, what you do is get vague with the details and let innuendo and supposition do the rest of your work.

“The Sunday People can reveal that Adam Keeler, 34, worked for a firm specialising in men-only adult material while he was bidding to break into showbiz,” The Mirror reported over the weekend.

Ah, a “firm specializing in men-only adult material,” eh? So, you’re saying he appeared in gay porn?

This would be a reasonable assumption on the part of anyone reading the line quoted above, but it would also be a wrong assumption.

“His credits include raunchy shoots for gay site HornyBritishBoys.com in which he performed smutty casting couch stripteases,” the Mirror further revealed.

Here’s the thing, Mirror; even fully hardcore gay porn (which Keeler’s performances clearly weren’t) isn’t “men-only adult material.” In fact, if any of your ‘reporters’ were to look into this matter in even the most cursory fashion, they’d quickly find plenty of data suggesting lots of us ladies are more than happy to watch material ostensibly made ‘just for men.’

Beyond the Mirror’s poor assumption about the scope of the potential audience for Keeler’s strip teases, there’s the larger question: Who gives a fuck, either way, whether Keeler once appeared in gay porn?

Can anybody honestly say, while keeping a straight face, there’s more dignity in being a reality TV show contestant than in being a porn performer? If so, can they watch this video and still claim such with the same straight face?

Yeah; that’s what I thought.

If There’s A Real Scandal Here, It’s Joke Theft

Whether Keeler is to blame for it, or some unscrupulous BGT producer, the real scandal at hand here is an alleged joke-theft incident, something for which Keeler and BGT are rightfully being called out.

According to the musical comedy duo Raymond and Mr. Timpkins, a routine performed by Keeler on BGT was “blatantly copied” from their act.

Making matters worse, Raymond and Timpkins further claim they have previously rebuffed offers from ITV to appear on BGT, making it seem more likely the network knowingly and intentionally ripped off the duo’s act.

“Oh dear. Shame on you BGT and Adam Keeler,” Raymond and Timpkins said, according to the Mirror. How clever of you all to put an act on that blatantly copies our set.”

The duo speculated the show either “trawled the net to find someone willing to do our act for them in light of our constant refusals or Adam has seen our act, copied it badly and then decided to apply.”

“Either way, neither comes out of this well,” they added.

Indeed, neither does come out of it well, as further reactions from audience members and other British comedy acts demonstrate.

“BGT shameful broadcasting a weak diluted copy of the outstanding and unique The Raymond And Mr Timpkins Revue,” tweeted comedian George Egg. “Worst kind of plagiarism.”

“Stealing material is unacceptable and BGT need to do better research,” added the Gag House Comedy club. “The Raymond And Mr Timpkins Revue are one in a million.”

At least the British comedy community has its priorities straight and can see the obvious; joke theft is straight-up wrong, while doing a strip tease is….

Hmm. Before I go any further with the above line of reasoning, a quick question: Keeler didn’t steal those moves too, did he?

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