One downside of the modern porn industry is the lack of effort which goes into the movie titles. Unfortunately, this is true of many porn parodies of mainstream films and celebrity sex tapes, too.
Courtesy of a recent appearance on “The View” by Neil Patrick Harris, it has come to Calico’s attention that, once upon a time, Whoopi Goldberg told Harris the two of them would have sex someday. While this now seems unlikely (given that Harris has come out since then and now lives as a proud gay man), Calico thinks if the two DID have sex, there would be serious upside to them making a celebrity sex tape while they’re at it.
Beyond that, just think about all the other unlikely celebrity sex tape pairings Whoopi and Neil might inspire! Calico has certainly thought about that – and has a few suggestions of her own along those lines.
Read all about it in Calico’s latest post, “At Least Their Sex Tape Would Have Lots Of Great Title Options”
by Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com Porn For Women and Couples
One of my persistent disappointments with the modern porn industry is the lack of creativity which goes into the movie titles these days.
Gone are the days of classics like On Golden Blonde or Hanna Does Her Sisters or Bi Hard (which is either really hard to find a link to, or my memory of the film’s existence is a false one), especially when it comes to porn parodies of mainstream films. Nowadays what we get is stuff like Deadpool XXX: A Porn Parody and This Ain’t Game Of Thrones: This Is A Parody.
Putting The Ewww In “The View”
What got me thinking about porn movies, celebrity sex tapes and movie titles was the recent revelation by Neil Patrick Harris that Whoopi Goldberg told him back in 1988 that the two of them would someday, 10 years or more later, have sex. Harris spilled the beans during a recent appearance on The View.
“You know, I did my first movie ever with Whoopi Goldberg. A movie called Clara’s Heart,” Harris said. “She told me on my last day of shooting that in 10 years’ time, she was going to have sex with me.”
I’ll admit, to the extent I’d be interested in watching any two celebrities have sex with each other, Whoopi and Neal aren’t the first pair that comes to mind. (They also wouldn’t be last on my list, because Donald Trump having sex with anyone, famous or otherwise, has that spot nailed down in perpetuity.)
Still, I could see a Whoopi/Neil sex tape developing an audience of decent size – especially if they got the title right and came up with something irresistible.
Or Maybe “Sister Act: The Nun With A Dirty Habit”
There’s something about the name “Neil Patrick Harris” which just doesn’t do it for me from a sex-appeal standpoint. Accordingly, the first piece of advice I’d give Whoopi and Neil in naming their sex tape for maximum marketing appeal would be to identify Neil by the name of the best-known character he has ever played. For some, that character may be Barney Stinson, but for me, it’s all about Doogie Howser.
Just think of all the delightful ways one could combine Whoopi with Doogie to create compelling porn movie titles! Imagine the likes of When Doogie Met Whoopi or Whoopi and Doogie Play Doctor, or Sister Act 12: Just Doog It. I’m sure when rendered in an appropriately goofy font and placed above an action-shot of Neil and Whoopi entwined in an erotic embrace, such titles would be good for millions thousands hundreds at least a few dozen sales, all by themselves!
Some Other Unlikely Celeb Sex Tape Pairings I’d Like To See
Picturing Whoopi and Neil in the throes of sexual passion also got me thinking about other unlikely celebrity pairings I’d like to see in a sex tape context. Inevitably, because I’m a total she-dork, horrible wordplay, bad puns and dumb coincidences inform some of my imagined choices.
For example, I think a Michael Richards/Jim Cramer gay sex tape would be amazing – and as a huge bonus, we could call it Kramer vs. Cramer. The non-sex scenes would be more than half the fun, too. Just imagine Richards freaking out about some bad financial tip Cramer gave him, while Cramer screams at guest star Julia Louis-Dreyfus about the lack of diversity in her financial portfolio.
Staying on a gay theme, I’d also love to see a celebrity sex tape which might help me resolve one of the most persistent name-swapping problems I have – by which I mean my tendency to say “Benicio Del Toro” when I’m talking about Guillermo del Toro. Besides, how awesome would a Sicario/Hellboy porn parody mashup be?
As for more ‘traditional’ celeb sex tape pairings (by which I mean heterosexual couplings), my first choice would be Jennifer Lawrence and D.H. Lawrence, if it weren’t for the fact that D.H. has been dead for 88 years and I’m pretty sure Jennifer isn’t a necrophile.
Clearly, I need to give Jennifer’s prospective sex tape partner more a lot more thought – because I’m not going to get lazy here and take the easy route, which would be to simply imagine her paired up with the guy from Martin.
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