Humor – There Really IS A Dating Site For Every Persuasion.

by Coleen Singer.

While listening to National Public Radio yesterday (yes, you knew is was a geek already, so there it is), I heard a very funny quiz show bit about unusual dating sites on the internet.  My curiosity was tweaked (as opposed to twerked) so I tracked to the “100 Dating sites” list on Buzzfeed that the radio show host mentioned and found some very entertaining ones that are totally worth mentioning on these pages of mine…..

SeaCaptainDate.com

Being a lifelong sailor myself and having spent FAR too much time in marinas from Maine to Key West, I can personally tell you that the “Captain” in the photo above does look a lot like the one that sank the Titanic, but most sea captains are a far cry from this spiffy appearance.  Most of the captains I know still sport a ponytail, wear beat up dockers and greasy cutoff jeans, and have about 10 years worth of icky grease under their fingernails from fighting with a cranky diesel engine or fixing the bilge pump.  But that’s actually GOOD in my opinion.These guys are a lot more fun that the elderly merchant marine shown in the photo, and as long as you don’t mind taking long trips out to sea on boats that are constantly breaking (which you get to help fix, btw), are a great choice for gals looking for an unusual relationship choice.  Hoist the main, gals!

Read on…

Darwin Dating

I’m not particularly “politically correct”, but how many degrees of “offensive” is this site? “Sick of dating websites filled with ugly, unattractive, desperate fatsos?” the page reads.  This seems to be some sort of throwback to the 1980s “Studio 54” in NYC which pretty much invented the Snobby Velvet Rope and had a small army of “bouncers with protocol lists for admission” standing outside the door, hand picking who was attractive enough to get in (yes, I am old enough to actually have gone there and DID get in after the 3rd try, mostly due to a leather micro-miniskirt I purchased as bouncer bait).  I also like the sites reference to a “natural selection process”.  Hey! Is this a dating site, or the Galapagos Island Experience?

FarmersOnly.com

Long before I became a daring porn pundit, defender of free speech and all of that after moving to the East Coast, I grew up in a rural Michigan farm town and, just gotta say, there really IS a need for this sort of site, specific to male and female farmers.  Farmers are a hard working and often cantankerous bunch that tend not to play well with others outside the soy bean price auction and this site is just PERFECT for that societal group to find like minded folks for dating and relationships.  The bonus on this is when couples hook up and marry, there tends to be an increase in children in the family which really helps get those chores done before the first snowfall!

WomenBehindBars.com

We’ve all heard the stereotypes for decades about how lonely women become pen pals with male prisoners and this sometimes leads to marriage.  About time someone did the gender reversal.  What does come to mind though is how big the commitment phobia is with the guys that join this site looking for a girlfriend that they might be able to see on every second Sunday.  To each his own, I suppose.

The Ugly Bug Ball

As the antidote to “Darwin Dating”, The Ugly Bug Ball is a refreshingly honest and fun-looking site specifically for folks that can’t get behind that Velvet Rope (i.e. most of the population of the United States).  I’m not going to take even the smallest potshot at this one because I think it is a WONDERFUL way for folks shut out of the “beautiful people” racket to find love and happiness.

DiaperMates.com

This is another one I am not touching with a ten foot pole for satire.  Yes.  It sounds strange. But, yes, this is a very large group of folks with this fetish that tends to dumbfound folks that are not into kinky sex or roleplaying. Look at their stats:  1953 Women and 13465 men on the site.  Next time you go to the grocery store, visit the Adult Diaper section and let your imagination run wild as to who is shopping in that section.

Purrsonals.com

This comes as no surprise at all. “Cat People” (not the Andrew Lloyd Webber kind) are not like “Dog People”.  Dog people find friends and romance at the dog park and waiting room of the veterinarian clinic waiting to have yet another splinter pulled out of Fido’s sphincter for ass grinding on a hardwood floor.  Cat lovers have pretty much been hypnotized by their non-blinking, mystical and possibly Satanic overlords and tend to stay at home more to avoid having the sofa and curtains shredded in retaliation for going out.  Being at the beck and call of “Fluffy” tends to isolate cat people, so it just makes sense for them to have a site where they can share “cute kittens on the piano YouTube videos” and share conventional wisdom and tips for inducing the projectile vomiting of fur balls.  This is SERIOUS bonding fodder gang! (apologies to Cat People. I’m a Dog person. Get over it. Nary the twain shall meet.)

The Official Clown Dating Agency

Sadly, this site has now gone offline, but sure looks like it was a lot of good slapstick fun.  If you want to see the original site, you can see it here on the “Way Back Machine” that archives everything ever on the internet (which, is another good reason for not putting things on the internet you don’t want to hang around forever. Like pix of your boobs, for instance, unless you are into that sort of thing).

And, the obligatory bummer note…..
When visiting and joining Dating Sites of ANY kind, use some common sense.
The “Dating Industry” (yes, it is large enough to be called an industry) falls outside of the strict regulations placed on pornsites, Ebooks and other naughty internet fare.  This can lead to a lot of possible exploitation of you as the “lonely consumer” that is more that happy to upgrade an account to “Platinum” to meet even MORE singles in your area.  Don’t buy it.  Most of the sites outside of the good ones like Match.com and eHarmony.com are puppy mills that pump out “niche specific” domains and tours that lead to their shared database of 1 million real horny guys, 700,000 fake female profiles from a sweatshop in Albania, and a handful of real women that have joined and posted a profile.  What this will lead to is, for you as a member that joined a “Find a Sea Captain” dating site, is one sea captain and 999,999 horny guys that never stepped foot on a boat.

Other dating site tips to avoid getting ripped off or worse:

• Do NOT upload a real photo of yourself if you just joined a site and are checking it out.  The Dating Industry is now doing bio-metric face recognition, courtesy of Facebook and Google and you will face a ton of spam, and possible identity theft if you stumbled into the wrong site.
• Do NOT join a site you saw an ad that says “There are 1197 Men/Women in [your hometown] that want to meet you.  I live in a town with the population of under 3000 and everyday I get these offers. These are fake.  Don’t go there.
• Do NOT join a site or even give credit card info for a “free membership” until you have been a free member for a few days and check out the climate in there.
• Dating sites are, by nature, data mining factories.  The more info you give them, the more you expose yourself to fraud, identify theft and horrible things.

So, with that little rant over (which I hope you paid attention to), let’s end it up with a light video of Judy Garland and Gene Kelly about the romantic happiness that can be found between CLOWNS!

Have fun, and be safe!
Coleen (oh. Kinky? Try this one. Very safe. Kinkculture.com)