Humor – I Sense a “Love Island” Reality Show Spinoff in the Works
The topic at hand being something about which Calico knows nothing has never stopped her from weighing in with a word of advice — something which occasionally comes back to bite her when her husband is making dinner and asks something like “how much red pepper flake should I add to this spaghetti sauce?”
Calico has lots of great ideas for businesses, too, most of which are rooted in nothing other than her irrational confidence in her own ideas. Is your home decor store in need of a rebrand to make it sound more fun? How about a shift to “Crate & Barrel Full of Monkeys”? It might make your sales soar, or it might make them sour, but your store will sound more fun — to Calico, at least. And isn’t that what really matters?
Calico doesn’t know anything about reality television, either — hell, sometimes she can’t even find the right reality show on her first try, even if she knows the title! It’s not entirely her fault though, because some of these reality series appear to exist in multiple forms, like the original Survivor, Survivor Micronesia and Survivor Van Nuys, or whatever.
What Calico does know, she firmly (if groundlessly) believes, is a great idea in the making — an opportunity to build on success to create even greater success, or to at least fail in a truly spectacular way.
What is Calico’s bright idea this time? How many different versions of Love Island are there, anyway? Does “Monk and Gross” sound more like a law firm than a celebrity power couple? What is a “power couple,” anyway? Is like power steering? How about I stop asking questions and you go ahead read Calico’s latest post: “I Sense a Spinoff in the Works.”
– Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com Porn For Women and Couples
Read on….
I’ve never been a big fan of so-called “reality television,” a term coined in the early 90s (I think?), but which has roots that reach back several decades further into the past, arguably including old game shows like Queen for a Day – a title which, now that I think about it, would work nicely for a singing competition reality show wherein contestants try to outdo each other in impersonating Freddie Mercury, with the grand prize being a stint as the touring singer for… well, not for Queen (Adam Lambert should keep that gig until he or the band decide it’s not for him anymore), but maybe for a Queen tribute band with a name like “The Fat Bottomed Girls”, or perhaps a hip-hop Queen cover band called “Bohemian Rap-sody.”
I’d Rather Watch Paint Dry… Except There Might be a Reality Show for That, Too
This is not to say I’ve never watched any reality show television, because I did have a four or five-season relationship with Top Chef some years back, which I justified at the time by telling myself I was “learning things about cooking,” but which doesn’t seem to have reduced my reliance on the microwave very much.
Throughout its dubious history as a recognized genre, a lot of reality television has just sounded too awful for me to contemplate even a single episode experimental viewing session. You couldn’t pay me enough to watch a show about rich people throwing ludicrously lavish parties for their teenage daughters, for example, or a show about celebrities’ expensive, occasionally quite garish homes, some of which turned out to be rentals and/or homes of other celebrities, at least according to some reports. And the only way I’m ever watching The Swan is if someone forces me to do so by strapping me into a chair and fixing my eyelids in an open position, Clockwork Orange-style.
At This Rate, Pretty Soon The Brand Will Be “Love Continent”
Both because I’m an easily confused person and because I don’t pay attention to reality TV, on the rare occasions when I read or hear things about reality TV that make me curious to know more, it sometimes takes me several tries just to figure out where to go.
Take Love Island, for example – no, not THAT Love Island, or even the UK Love Island, the Australian Love Island. There may be many more of these Love Islands, for all I know – maybe even an entire Love Archipelago.
At any rate, while I certainly can’t claim to be an expert in the reality tv genre, I strongly suspect there will soon be a Love Island spinoff that takes the show’s premise to new heights – literally.
It’s True: This Stuff Writes Itself!
You see, Sophie Monk, who apparently is the host of the Australian version of Love Island, recently revealed that she’s a member of the Mile High Club, after having sex with her fiancé, a fellow named “Joshua Gross” (which is what I might have explained if I were his mother and found out that Joshua had recently had sex in the bathroom of an airplane) while on a flight to Mauritius.
“We got caught by the steward,” Joshua explained (in the context of answering questions on a radio show segment called “Cost of Love,” no less). “We planned the going-in part but we didn’t plan the coming out of the bathroom very well.”
Don’t fret Josh, because I believe this story is nothing less than the seeds of the next big reality TV hit! The premise is simple enough: People who are semi-famous for being on a previous reality TV show have sex in the bathroom of a plane while being flown to the set to another reality show – it doesn’t really matter which show – and then sit for one of those cliché ‘confessional’ type videos where they talk to the camera crew about what they’ve just done off-screen.
In addition to generating a surefire hit, this approach would maximize both the exposure and notoriety the contestants crave and the efficiency of content creation for the production companies involved. It’s a win-win-win – the third win being for the viewers, who will be served up more of that reality TV trash for which they’ve acquired such a fine taste.
All we need now for a finishing touch is a title built on shitty wordplay, like The Mile Hijinks Club, or Flight of Fancy – or my favorite, Flakes on a Plane
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