Finally: A Porn Publicity Stunt With Actual Merit!

Calico has never been a big fan of the publicity stunts that porn companies have cooked up over the years. Most of these stunts seem to involve offering a job to some disgraced celebrity, or even just good looking people who wind up in the news for less-than-great reasons — like being accused of murder, or like intentionally having a bunch of kids they can’t afford to feed just to get themselves on TV, or something along those lines.

Every so often, though, a porn company comes up with a publicity generating idea Calico can get behind. One such stunt came up recently when a company out of Florida threw its hat in the ring as a potential sponsor for a professional sports arena.

Not only does Calico love the idea of a pro sports facility being called “the BBC,” she sees serious potential for this to become a trend, resulting in all sorts of great, eroticized brand names suddenly popping up all over the sports world — and not just in human sports, either.

Read all about it in Calico’s latest post, “Finally: A Porn Publicity Stunt With Actual Merit!”

– Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com Porn For Women

Over the years, companies in the porn industry have done some pretty dumb stuff just to get attention. Some these dumb things include pretending to have built a “porn bunker” in which to ride out the 2012 Apocalypse, sponsoring soccer teams, offering jobs to accused murderers, offering jobs to Octomom, offering jobs to Anthony Scaramucci… you get the picture.

The porn job offer stunt got so tiresome it seems like even the companies for whom it was a publicity stunt-mainstay have pretty much stopped doing it. (Pretty much.) But that doesn’t mean porn companies are done with the idea of piggybacking on mainstream news to garner themselves a little attention.

What Could Possibly be More Miami?

As you’ve probably deduced from my tone in writing about porn industry publicity stunts, I think most of them are dumber than an Adam Sandler comedy vehicle – although to be fair, they cost a lot less to make than a Sandler flick, too.

This week, however, along came a porn publicity stunt with actual merit. What I mean by that is, unlike so many previous porn publicity stunts, if the idea at the center of this one was to come to pass, the world would be a better (or least funnier, in a vulgar kind of way) place.

I’m speaking, of course, of BangBros’ idea of bidding on the naming rights for the arena in Miami where the NBA’s Miami Heat play.

“Miami is known for many things – South Beach, beautiful women, and sports teams like the professional NBA team the Miami Heat,” Bang Bros said in a statement tweeted September 12. “Miami is also known for BangBros. So it makes sense to pair up winning programs like the Miami Heat and BangBros for a sponsorship opportunity, naming the home arena they play in.”

OK, so it’s not the best written statement in the history of porn publicity stunts – but it’s not the specific wording that matters here, it’s the concept. 

Or, the abbreviation of the concept, at least.

And We Ain’t Talking About British Television…

“To show how serious BangBros is, they have already offered $10 million to Myles Gallagher of Cleveland’s Superlative Group, and are suggesting the name BangBros Center (The BBC) as the new home of the Miami Heat for the next decade,” the statement says later.

Just in case there’s anyone reading this who doesn’t know what the abbreviation “BBC” means in a porn context… well, here’s a link for you.

I know it’s juvenile – and probably offensive to a great many people – but the idea of hearing Marv Albert or Mike Breen bellow something like “We’re coming to you live from the BBC!” into a microphone while ESPN or TNT’s NBA coverage theme song is blaring along behind them just brings a big, knowing smile to my face.

What really appeals to me is the idea of this becoming a trend, leading to additional porn brand-influenced names for arenas and stadiums, across the country and throughout our various pro sports leagues…

This Needs to Become a Trend

Imagine, for example, the “Sssh Center” – what an ideal name for a tennis venue, right? This is especially true at a time when some old school tennis folks are bemoaning the loudness of modern crowds.

There are just so many possibilities here. Something like “HUSTLER Arena” would be a great name for a hardworking, defense-and-rebounding-oriented professional basketball team. And who wouldn’t want to play their home games in a spot called “Wicked Gardens”?

And why limit our erotic rebranding effort to human sports? We could transform Santa Anita Park into Anita Dark Park, or rename the Belmont Stakes the Lexi Bellemont Stakes!