Some Online Challenges Just Aren’t the Same When Your Only Housemate is a Cat
Calico’s not much for those internet challenges that catch on from time to time, especially challenges that involve consuming things nobody considers food, like Tide Pods, or things other people might consider food, but Calico certainly doesn’t, like bananas. (Don’t ask.)
The bottom line is, most of these challenges just strike Calico as too hazardous, ill-advised, or just plain stupid to be worth facing. In her growing, self-quarantine inspired boredom, however, she finally stumbled across a trending challenge that sounded both safe and potentially amusing: the “Naked Challenge.”
The crux of the Naked Challenge is simple enough: Surprise your partner (or, if you’re adventurous like that, even a non-partner housemate, I suppose) by suddenly appearing before them while wearing no clothes, ideally recording their astonished, bemused or aroused reaction for sharing later.
Unfortunately, the particular circumstances of Calico’s sheltering in place have deprived her of one of the naked challenge’s core requirements to prove successful.
What is it that Calico lacks that is impeding her ability to conduct an amusing Naked Challenge? Find out in her new post, “Some Online Challenges Just Aren’t the Same When Your Only Housemate is a Cat.”
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I must admit, most of the online “challenges” I read about are very difficult for me to understand.
For example, when the Tide Pod challenge emerged a couple years back, the only part of the challenge I was willing to engage was the challenge of answering the question “How fucking stupid are these people?”
I can see the fun in other, less idiotic and harmful challenges, like the brief planking craze back in the day or the mannequin challenge, but many others strike me as the sort of thing my brother would have tried to make me do back when were kids, typically with blatant disregard for my safety, mental health and/or cat and social status.
Finally: A Challenge I’m Not Too Afraid (or Disgusted) to Try!
While the list of challenges I would never try is far longer than the ones I would, I finally found one that I didn’t mind the sound of – and wouldn’t you know it, the context of the challenge is something which is itself very challenging in my current circumstances.
I’m referring to an emerging challenge, associated with self-quarantining and/or “stay at home” orders, called simply the “naked challenge.”
As described by The Mirror (admittedly not the most reputable news source), the naked challenge “essentially sees people surprising their partner by walking around in their birthday suit while they are distracted working from home or playing video games.”
And therein lies the problem with me taking part in this challenge: With my husband currently doing his hunkering down in a different part of the country, my only roommates are now two cat, Maya and her sister Buzz.
But hey – a cat can have fun reactions, too, right? And the internet and a cat clearly were made for each other, so why not see how my feline ‘roommates’ respond to this whole naked challenge thing?
Evidently, A Cat Only React to the “Vacuum the House” Challenge
Undeterred by my admittedly less-than-optimal challenge-conditions, I stripped off my clothes and vigorously strutted by Maya, only to discover she was fast asleep. This probably should not have come as a surprise, because Maya is an older cat, who spends approximately 97.1% of her time sleeping and the other 2.9% eating, drinking, or using the litter box as a result of all that eating and drinking.
When I woke up Maya to surprise her with my nakedness, she blinked a few times, got up, turned her back to me and flopped back down to resume her slumbering.
Official Challenge Result for Attempt 1: Unsuccessful and Unsatisfying.
Ok, so doing the Naked Challenge for Maya was a bust – but there’s always Buzz. Maybe she will prove more attentive and/or easily stimulated than her sister?
The problem with Buzz turned out to be finding her. Like many cats, Buzz has a thing for sleeping in enclosed spaces, with some of her favorite spots being deep recesses of the closet.
Soon, I found myself stooped over, gently moving things around in my closet, in search of another sleeping cat to not react to the fact I was naked. Somehow, it took much longer than it should have to realize this was absurd behavior, possibly indicating that I was losing what’s left of my goddam mind.
Eventually, I did find Buzz. While I was digging through the closet, she evidently entered the bedroom, hopped up on the bed and dozed off. Rather than wake her up to see what she made of her naked (and by now, quite flustered) human, I decided to live to fight challenge another day, lie down beside her and take a nap of my own.
Future Non Cat Alternative Challenges I’m Considering
Just because my first experiencing taking an internet challenge didn’t pan out quite as I’d hoped, that doesn’t mean I’m swearing off the whole idea after one try – not when there are so many inspirational stories cropping up among my quarantined and desperately bored peers around the world.
Maybe next I’ll try the sticking magnets up your nose challenge, or the how many walnuts can you break with your elbow in one minute challenge, or maybe even the shoot a news segment in Yellowstone National Park while staring down a herd of bison challenge.
Given my aversion to the challenges involving consuming things that probably ought not be consumed, however, you can safely assume I won’t be taking part in the eating your engagement ring in your sleep challenge, though.
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