Sex Furniture On An (Even Lower) Budget

Do you get frustrated by the extremely high prices on luxury items and sex furniture? Do you think it’s unfair that the super-rich have the option of buying $13 million dollar cars, when you can’t even afford a used, run-down old jalopy? Does the idea of paying $750 for a high-end “sex bench” make your eyes cross?

If so, I have good news for you, especially about the sex bench thing. In her latest post, Calico offers some alternatives and valuable suggestions for alternatives to overpriced sex furniture, including some fantastic DIY projects which will make you wonder why you ever bought those crappy kitchen chairs you’ve been using since 2001, when you could have made your own for pennies on the dollar — possibly even using pennies stacked on a literal dollar.

How can you get your hands on a sex bench and still have hundreds of dollars left over for visiting chiropractors after using said sex bench? Is there any real difference between an official sex bench and the back seat of a 1982 Ford LTD wagon? Find out in Calico’s latest post, “Sex Furniture On An (Even Lower) Budget”

by Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com, Sexpert at Sssh.com Porn For Women and Couples

I’ve never been one to grudge businesses charging absurd prices for their “high-end” wares. Sure, I’ll probably never have $13 million lying around for a Rolls-Royce Sweeptail, but who am I to say some NFL player doesn’t have the right to ensure his future personal bankruptcy by purchasing one?

At the same time, just because most of us don’t have the funds available to live the ludicrously-high life, we shouldn’t be practically shut out from a world of guilty pleasures, just because we’re financially shut out from the world of stupidly luxurious goods.

This is especially true when the goods we’re talking about are those which enhance people’s sex lives – and no, I’m NOT about to write yet another post about ridiculously expensive sex dolls.

It May Seem Impractical, but Remember: Butt-Splinters Build Character

To be fair, the prices on sex furniture offered by Liberator aren’t that out of line, not when you consider how much a snooty joint like Williams Sonoma charges for a freaking simple dining room chair.

Still, $750 for a basic sex bench seems a tad steep – especially when, as Corinne Purtill notes in the Quartz piece linked above, Walmart has similar-seeming regular benches for about 80 bucks.

If you think Walmart can’t be undersold, however, I beg you to reconsider. Oh sure, this “rustic DIY bench” isn’t padded, but at $15 in material costs, you must admit you can’t beat the price!

Plus, when you’re not having sex on it, the humble rustic DIY bench is perfect for setting your unread copies of Fitness magazine on (don’t tell me you read those things; I own approximately 850 volumes of Fitness and have never used them for anything other than drink coasters), or standing upon to access hard to reach items, like those cans of pinto beans I’ve been keeping on the top shelf of my kitchen cabinet since 1997.

Even Without the Car, the Back Seat is Still an Option

If you’re willing to get adventurous and consider “alternative” benches, you can get your hands on a spiffy bench seat which is not only padded like that fancy sex bench, but which will fill you with a sense of nostalgia whilst you fuck upon it.

Sure, it costs more than the Walmart bench, but it’s still less than half the price of the Liberator Prelude bench. I’m speaking, of course, of this gorgeous Bestop 39437-09 TrailMax II charcoal all-vinyl fixed rear bench seat. At only $199, you can pick up one and still have over $500 to spend on going to the chiropractor after you’ve used it for a few weeks.

I suppose some folks will turn up their noses at the idea of keeping the back seat of an SUV or truck in their homes as se furniture, but that’s the best part of this option: If you can’t abide by keeping it in your house, you can simply buy one of the vehicle models it fits in! This may take you above the $750 total for the sex bench, but unlike a Liberator Prelude, you can park an SUV at the grocery store without people giving you funny looks.

Envelope, Please… And the Lowest-Budget Sex Furniture of All is:

Call me a traditionalist, but when I think about low cost sex furniture alternatives, the thing which immediately springs to mind is the bed I already own.

Yes, I know: Having sex in a bed is just soooo every day, week, year and century up to now, since the Neolithic period. But they’re also available at what I call the “Jonathon Livingston Seagull” price.

That’s right, dear readers: The perfect price is being there.