Working from Bed Messing with Your Sex Life? Try Having Sex in the Office
The COVID-19 pandemic has presented the world with countless challenges, some professional, some communal, some deeply personal. Among those challenges is maintaining an active, satisfying sex life, even after spending so much uninterrupted time around your partner that you begin to hope he somehow accidentally strangles himself while putting on his sweater.
People who have made a habit of working from bed may be at heightened risk of their work-and-shelter-from-home practices putting a dent in their sex lives. After all, other than just about every man who has ever worked in an office setting, who wants to have sex in the same place they take meetings with their hated, overbearing boss?
The good news is, as a freelance writer who had been working from home for years before COVID sprang into existence, Calico has plenty of useful tips for how to make sure working from home doesn’t spell the end of your sex life wih your partner. Granted, most of these tips involve mercilessly crushing your partner’s spirit and ruthlessly dominating him, but one should never knock it until one has tried it, right?
Read more of Calico’s tips for locked-down lovers in her latest post, “Working from Bed Messing with Your Sex Life? Try Fucking in the Office.”
by Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com, Sex Movies For Women and Couples
With much of the world still on lockdown and so many people working from home, a predictable trend has kicked in: With no commute to contend with and no coworkers nearby to judge them, some folks have taken to working from bed.
For most people, this working from bed thing sprang up due to the COVID-19 pandemic – but as a freelance writer, it’s been available as an option to me for many years now. For a variety of reasons, mostly having to do with my neck and back, I’ve never adopted working from bed as a long-term or consistent practice. Instead, I’ve limited it to times when I truly couldn’t face getting out of bed at all, like when I’m bedridden with the flu, or it’s too cold anywhere but under the covers, or I start to get out of bed and see what looks like it could be a spider on the floor between me and the bathroom.
Still, I have worked from bed often enough to understand both the benefits and the pitfalls of the practice – and along the way, I’ve acquired some of what I believe should pass for wisdom about how working from bed impacts other facets of your life, including your sex life.
Working from Bed Can Make Having Sex in Bed Seem Less Desirable
If you’ve ever met a studio musician, like some hired gun guitarist who rents out his fretboard skills to the highest bidder, regardless of what kind of music they need played, you may have heard them complain that ever since playing music became their job, they don’t enjoy it the way they did when they were coming up and just learning to play. It’s one of many risks that come with choosing music as a career.
Along those same lines, the more you come to associate your bedroom with doing work, the less you’re going to enjoy being in your bed – or so the reasoning goes, at least. I can see how it would be the case, for sure. The more time I spend in bed with spreadsheets, the less time I’ll want to spend spread out on the bedsheets.
See Also: “Absence Makes the Libido Grow Stronger”
The other factor, of course, is that if your partner is also working from bed… well, it could trigger the old cliché known as “familiarity breeds contempt.”
“Being in the same space all day with the same person goes against thousands of years of evolution, so be compassionate with yourselves,” according to Katie Anderson and Deborah Bailey-Rodriguez, psychologists from Middlesex University. “Whether you’re having more or less sex, it’s a huge change to adjust to.”
While my husband and I are both stuck working from home for the moment, we’ve devised a good system to avoid overexposure to each other. And by a “good system,” what I mean is that I write while propped up in bed on a stack our most comfortable cushions while he fucks off somewhere else, I don’t really care where, to do whatever it is he does for a living these days, about which I also don’t care, so long as his paychecks continue to clear.
How to Shift a Context, Calico-Style
Other therapists warn of a lack of “context shift” contributing to a decline in sexual desire, another notion that makes intuitive sense.
“A lot of people are reporting a negative impact on desire at the moment, and that’s largely due to the lack of context shift,” says Kate Moyle, a therapist and host of The Sexual Wellness Sessions podcast. “Once they’re doing it, they really enjoy it, but it’s the ‘getting to doing it’ bit where I think the pandemic has had such a massive impact. There’s no separation, which makes it more difficult for us to shift headspace.”
While I can see how being stuck together in the same house makes it hard to shift headspace, I also think a little creativity can go a long way. To combat this problem in our home, for example, my husband and I have devised another system – one in which we both avoid the home office, which is where I normally worked prior to the pandemic, reserving that room as our primary place of sexual dalliance.
On the plus side, the home office is perfect for role-playing. I get to be the stern, disciplinarian schoolteacher who pleasures herself while he cleans the erasers, for example. Or I’m the stern, disciplinarian boss with a male secretary, who pleasures herself while he cleans the erasers. As you can plainly see, the possibilities are limitless, so long as he cleans the erasers and doesn’t touch me until or unless instructed to do so.
See? The old saying is true: “Problems are just opportunities in work clothes” – or perhaps opportunities in jeans and a t-shirt, depending on how I require my particular problem to dress on any given day.
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