I’m An Atheist – And Even I Know THAT Isn’t What A Church Altar Is For
It seems to Calico like in the unstated competition to see which American state can produce the most bizarre, ridiculous or just plain stupid news stories, the consistent front runners are Florida and Arizona.
That said, another contender not to be ignored is the great state of Louisiana, which over the years has treated us to the likes of Huey Long, David Duke and the extremely entertaining Jimmy-Swaggart-hires-a-prostitute scandal.
Louisiana has now gifted readers with another sex scandal involving a religious figure. This time it’s a fellow named Travis Clark, a Catholic priest in New Orleans, who also appears to be a budding filmmaker.
The priest’s first (or first known, at least) foray into filmmaking hasn’t exactly been a blockbuster hit with his flock — or with his boss, Archbishop Gregory Aymond.
What sort of movie did Rev. Clark make? Why is the Archbishop giving it two major thumbs-down? With a name like “Travis Clark,” why didn’t this guy become a country music singer? These and other questions are contemplated deeply in Calico’s new post, “I’m An Atheist – And Even I Know THAT Isn’t What A Church Altar Is For”
– Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com Porn Movies for Women and Couples
While my immediate family pretty much all fall into the agnostic or atheist category, I do have plenty of cousins, aunts and uncles who are quite devout Christians. A few of them are what I’d describe as very easily offended Christians, the sort of people who noticeably cringe upon hearing someone say “goddammit” or “oh for Christ’s sake” – things I do roughly 400 times a day when I’m not around them, but somehow manage to limit to fewer than 50 times a day whenever they’re visiting.
While none of my relatives are Catholic, they also aren’t the sort of Christians who consider Catholics to be openly anti-Catholic either, an attitude that’s less common among other Christian denominations these days than it was back in the 19th century, but still out there.
Let He Among You Who Has Never Filmed Porn on a Church Altar Cast the First Stone!
At any rate, the opening paragraphs of this post are really just a roundabout way of me saying I’d wager some of my relatives are having conniptions right now, if they’ve been exposed to a certain recent news story out of New Orleans.
No, not this news out of New Orleans, or this news out of New Orleans – although I suppose I could see them being upset about one or the other of those things if they were planning to go to Mardi Gras in February, or just really hate the LSU Tigers for some reason.
No, I’m talking about THIS NEWS out of New Orleans, which is… well, I’ll just briefly quote from the article to give you the gist:
“Peering inside, the onlooker saw the small parish’s pastor half-naked having sex with two women on the altar, according to court documents.”
Yeah. THAT news.
Maybe There’s a Reasonable Explanation… Then Again, Maybe Not
Being a naturally fair-minded and non-judgmental person, I don’t read something like that quoted sentence above and immediately jump to the conclusion the pastor in question had done something ill-advised for a man in his vocation, like hire two women to make a porn video with him inside his church – and more to the point, on top of his altar. So, let’s see if there’s some context here which makes this all seem more reasonable and less unbecoming of a priest, shall we?
“Public records additionally show that one of the women, Mindy Dixon, 41, is an adult film actor who also works for hire as a dominatrix. On a social media account associated with Dixon, a Sept. 29 post says she was on her way to the New Orleans area to meet another dominatrix ‘and defile a house of God.’”
Hmm. OK, I must admit, the additional context I’ve just provided doesn’t appear to help the priest’s case very much.
A Potential Calling Missed, But Also a Potential Trademark Dispute Averted
Based on his name, I think the Rev. Travis Clark, the now-disgraced pastor, might have missed his calling as a country music singer. I mean, “Travis Clark”— isn’t that the perfect name for a country singer?
This just in: Reliable sources tell me there’s already a country singer named Travis Clark, so I suppose it might be best that Rev. Travis Clark didn’t pursue a career in country music, as that could have caused serious confusion in the marketplace.
Another point on the bright side, there’s no indication I can find that the other Travis Clark has defiled any churches and/or altars. Sure, that fact is not much on which to hang our high-top Stetson hats, or our prayer beads, but at this point in 2020, I think we just have to take whatever good news we can get.
Purged by Fire, Archdiocese of New Orleans Edition
Speaking of good news, after the story broke about Rev. Clark exploring new career options in adult entertainment, Archbishop Gregory Aymond did the only thing a reasonable, centered, rational person could do in a situation like this. Namely, he set fire to the altar to purge it of sin.
In a video statement, Archbishop Aymond later conceded it is “a very tough time right now to be a Catholic in the Archdiocese of New Orleans to say the least.”
While I acknowledge the difficulty for the Catholics of the Archdiocese of New Orleans here, can we also light a candle (although not too close to any kindling, please) for the poor altar itself?
After all, the altar was an innocent in this. All the altar did was exist! It never asked for a pastor to have sex with two women on top of it – and unless it left a will stating such was its preference, I think it’s a travesty the church altar was cremated before its time, especially when nobody can say with certainty it favored that option to being buried, or set adrift at sea, or… whatever.
In any event, here’s hoping that Clark’s replacement, Fr. Carol Shirima, treats the new altar with the respect and reverence it deserves – and at least puts a sheet over it before filming a sex scene thereon.