Humor – That Settles It – It’s Time To Start Saving My Fingernail Clippings

It’s amazing all the different ways people can make money online these days. From day trading to auctioning off items on eBay, a whole new world of revenue-generating options has opened for us in the Internet Age.

Some of it is starting to remind Calico of her youth, when she collected comic books to read, without realizing they would have collectible value in the future – an oversight she later regretted when she learned the (substantial) difference between “poor” and “mint” condition in terms of items retaining their value.

fingernail cutting

More recently, Calico was stunned to learn that there’s a vibrant market for some items she never thought of as desirable, let alone valuable — like dirty bathwater, for example.

How does one make money selling dirty bathwater? Well, it helps to be a wildly popular social media “influencer” — something Calico decidedly isn’t. Still, if people will pay $43 a pop for jars of dirty bathwater, surely they’d be willing to spend something on the stuff Calico has lying around her place, right?

What sort of new online sales enterprise does Calico have in mind? Find out in her latest post, “That Settles It – It’s Time To Start Saving My Fingernail Clippings”

by Calico Rudasill, Porn Movies For Women

When I was a kid, I used to collect comic books. Unfortunately, I didn’t do it with the sort of foresight which would have maintained the value of my comic books, because at the time I didn’t realize I was “collecting” them – I was just buying and reading them, then setting them aside in growing, increasingly unstable stacks.

Due to my haphazard, careless “storage” habits, almost all my comics wound up in ‘poor’ condition, which is all the way at the other end of the value-scale from ‘mint’ condition. My oldest and rarest comics were in such terrible shape that if I had owned a copy of the first issue of X-Men, instead of being worth $70,000, it would now only be worth a bemused grimace on the face of any Jeffrey Albertson-like comic book guy to whom I tried to sell it.

Lather, Rinse and Repeat Your Way to Success!

These days, though, it’s not just old, rare, previously commercially distributed stuff which obtains and retains monetary value. Now, certain things become valuable instantly, driven by an association with the person who owns them, rather than any intrinsic value held by the thing itself.

A defining example of this fact splashed across my radar recently, when I read about a cam girl selling jars of her dirty bathwater for $43 each.

Belle Delphine-bath-water-sale
Belle Delphine Selling Her Bathwater

Umm… what?

Even Belle Delphine, the cam girl in question, seemed mystified by the success her bathwater entrepreneurship.

“So my bath water SOLD OUT wtf,” she wrote in a post a couple days after initially offering the jars for sale. “I will be making some more soon but it’s been honestly a weird couple of days taking SO many baths LMAO. I didn’t expect this many people to be so interested, but if you wanted one… they will be back soon!”

Now, some folks are bagging on Belle for the bathwater sale, calling it gross, disgusting and a series of other derogatory adjectives. Personally, I think they’re just jealous; I mean, nobody is lining up to buy their dirty bathwater, right?

Move Over Belle’s Bathwater – Here Come Calico’s Clippings!

Instead of being disgusted by Belle, I find myself inspired by her. In fact, the success of her bathwater sales drive has me thinking about opportunities to sell off things of mine that would otherwise quite literally go down the drain, or otherwise go to waste.

Consider, for example, my fingernails and toenails. As it stands, I just toss them in the trash after snipping them from the end of my digits – but might there be an untapped market out there for Calico Clippings, if I were to market them the right way?

Granted, I’m no Belle Delphine. Among other things, I don’t have any pink hair dye, or pink wigs, or whatever it is she’s doing to make herself look like an anime character come to life. I also don’t have a large social media following, willingness to film myself in the shower, or the figure to pull off the whole ‘sexy pixie’ thing.

My Unique Selling Point: Cheapness

What I do have is a massive ball of hair that I’ve collected by cleaning my hairbrush over the years, a couple of my old baby teeth that I’ve been keeping in a jar since the 1970s – and an openness to budget pricing.

I accept that my fingernail clippings and hairball don’t enjoy the same celeb panache as Belle’s bathwater, but I’m also not going to ask $43 per jar for them. Instead, I’ll be a market disruptor, innovating and pioneering, but at a price which undercuts my better established competition. 

Yes, that’s right: I’m going to become the Netflix of personal grooming byproducts – by which I mean instead of selling my hair and nail clippings ala carte like Belle’s jarred bathwater, I’ll be offering tiered subscription plans by which consumers can subscribe to receive my hair and nails at a rock-bottom monthly price.

There are still some details to iron out here, of course – like what to do when demand rises beyond my ability to produce hair and nail clippings – but those are considerations for the future. As for now, it’s time to execute my Five-Step Plan: (1) establish Instagram account (2) build massive following by sheer force of personality and will (3) create magnetic, engaging marketing materials (4) launch my used nail clippings empire (5) retire a billionaire.

What could possibly go wrong?

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