by Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com
They say the only two certain things in life are death and taxes, but I beg to differ.
If nothing else, you can add to the list of life’s certainties this little nugget: If Ted Cruz likes a porn-tweet, people like me are going to gleefully write snarky posts about it.
While it does sorta suck to be so predictable in my topic choices, what is a porn-and-culture-focused writer supposed to do when a famous (and famously socially conservative) politician likes a porn-tweet; just ignore it and write about how the internet has changed porn, instead? Booorrring!
At Least He Didn’t Claim He’d Been Hacked
Say what you will about Cruz’s rogue staffer excuse for the porn-tweet, at least he didn’t go the “I was hacked” route as so many others have dubiously claimed in similar situations.
According to Ed O’Keefe of the Washington Post, Cruz told reporters there’s “a number of people on the team who have access to the account.”
“It appears that someone inadvertently hit the ‘like’ button and when we discovered the post… we pulled it down,” O’Keefe tweeted on Tuesday, quoting Cruz. “We’re dealing with it internally but it was a mistake, it was not malicious conduct.”
While I’m not sure I buy this explanation, it does sit better with me than claiming a hacker went to all the trouble of compromising Cruz’s account just to like a porn-tweet.
Now, if the account had also posted a glowing endorsement of sex toys, that I might believe was the work of an outside prankster, given Cruz’s previously published arguments about the socially corrosive properties of such devices.
By the way, in the same brief supporting the Texas ban on the sale of sex toys referenced above, Cruz made an eyebrow-raising point about the difference between the legal sale of drugs like Cialis and the sale of sex toys, because the former isn’t “device.” He further argued couples who would stoop so far as to introduce sex toys to enhance their sex lives might also “believe that hiring a willing prostitute or engaging in consensual bigamy would enhance their sexual experiences.”
Was this spoken from experience Ted, or were you just reasonably speculating about things your wife might have been doing behind your back at the time?
Instead Of Disciplining Him, How About A Promotion-By-Transfer?
As O’Keefe noted, Cruz “wouldn’t name the staffer, nor what discipline they might face” and said whether the unnamed staffer will continue to have access to the account is “still being discussed” by his team.
Has Cruz considered loaning the rogue staffer to Donald Trump to help manage his account? This would seem a worthy punishment, to me.
If nothing else, the fumble-fingered staffer could get valuable social media practice. For example, he could be tasked with fixing Trump’s typos, making sure the Commander in Tweet doesn’t (accidentally, presumably) retweet people who are being harshly critical of him and police the feed for retweets of racist and/or factually-challenged memes.
What’s the worst that could happen? Given some of the infamous sex-related comments he’s offered up in the past (including some truly lovely ones about his own daughter), would anyone even bat an eye if Trump’s account liked a porn-tweet?
Cruz Finally Understands How Trump Won
Although it was likely offered as a self-effacing quip, a joke Cruz let fly to reporters in explaining his porn-tweet like suggests he may finally be coming to an understanding of how politics work in the current era of the Reality Television Candidate.
“This is not how I envisioned waking up this morning,” Cruz said. “Although I will say that if I had known that this would trend so quickly, perhaps we should have posted something like this back during the Indiana primary.”
Now you’re catching on, Ted!
Heck, if you haven’t already demoted him to gofer status, maybe you can make this anonymous rogue staffer your new Communications Director… and then fire him 10 days later, naturally.
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