Sex Humor: First Condom Specifically For Anal Intercourse

Sex Humor: FDA Permits Marketing of First Condom Specifically For Anal Intercourse

– Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com Porn Movies for Women

Breaking Butt-Sex Anal News

I was a little surprised the other day when my husband nearly knocked me over on his way into the kitchen, so excited was he to deliver me important, breaking news from the FDA.

Clutching his iPad and wheeling its screen to face my direction, he bellowed: “Look, Cal, look!”

Was this important development the announcement of a newly approved Covid vaccine? No. Had someone cured cancer? Not quite.

“FDA Permits Marketing of First Condom Specifically Indicated for Anal Intercourse” was the headline on the screen.

I gave him my best “nice try” look and went back to loading the dishwasher, declining to comment. Better to let him stew, awaiting and anticipating my response for a minute, rather than respond immediately to this provocation.

“What do you think the difference is between this condom and the condoms that they won’t let people market for anal sex?” he asked, obviously trying to draw me out by appealing to my natural tendency to speculate wildly on subjects about which I know nothing.

“Do you think they’re ribbed?” he added, excitedly. “I mean, you know, ‘for her pleasure’ and all that?”

I shot him another glare. This one said: “I know where you’re going with this – and it won’t work.”

Let’s Just Say His Anal Nonverbal Communication Skills Need Some Work

That was, evidently, not the message he took from my glare. Instead, he took my second glare to mean “please, tell me more.”

“The risk of STI transmission during anal intercourse is significantly higher than during vaginal intercourse,” my husband read from the FDA’s statement, quoting someone named Courtney Lias, a Ph.D. identified as the director of the FDA’s Office of GastroRenal, ObGyn, General Hospital, and Urology Devices in the Center for Devices and Radiological Health. 

(If I’m being honest, judging by her title alone, Courtney sounds like she has WAY too much responsibility on her hands… But I digress.)

“The FDA’s authorization of a condom that is specifically indicated, evaluated and labeled for anal intercourse may improve the likelihood of condom use during anal intercourse,” my husband continued, showing an impressive degree of faith in the very questionable notion that I might still be listening to him. “Furthermore, this authorization helps us accomplish our priority to advance health equity through the development of safe and effective products that meet the needs of….”

My husband’s voice trailed off as I exited the kitchen and closed the laundry room door behind me.

Finally, the Man Takes a Hint

Speaking of misplaced faith, I briefly hoped that my total unresponsiveness would be a sufficiently obvious hint that I wanted my husband to drop the subject. When I reentered the kitchen, however, he was still reading from the same press release.

“…. and efficacy of the One Male Condom was studied in a clinical trial comprised of 252 men who have sex with men and 252 men who have sex with women,” my husband said, furrowing his brow slightly, his excitement clearly diminishing as he went on. “Adverse events reported during the clinical trial included….”

At last, an appropriate window in which to respond!

“Yes?” I said, raising my eyebrows skyward. “I believe you were about to read to me about the ‘adverse events’ reported in the clinical trial of this new, approved-for-butt-sex condom?”

“Well,” he said. “Nothing in life is 100% effective or entirely without potential failure, after all.”

And here we arrived at what I like to call the “Checkmate Moment” – in that it’s the moment where I put in check my mate’s thin hopes that this news from the FDA meant I’d relent on my “that thing is not going in my ass” policy with respect to his penis.

“I beg to differ, darling,” I said, casting him one last glare. This glare said: “If nobody fucks my butt, with or without a condom, then I’m not going to contract an STI from any of the anal sex I don’t have with them.”

Strangely, despite being by far the most complex of my glare-communications, that one he understood, no problem.