by Coleen Singer at Sssh.com Porn For Women
It would seem in this day and age of “the more text the better” to feed the Google Gods, everyone from the Porn Industry to Ladies Home Journal is ramping up the word count, partially to engage and entertain you, but moreso to spew enough keyword relevant text to get one’s sites and posts on that Holy Grail of the front page of a search engine.
Read on…
It hasn’t always been that way. Just a short decade ago, little articles on women’s entertainment sites had just a quick bulleted “top 10 list” of “how to spark your bedroom sex life” and porn movie descriptions were short, sweet and to the point. Not anymore! Take a search around for something as simple as “things women do to annoy men” and you end up with diatribes more appropriate for a 19th century Russian novel. And porn movie and site descriptions? Oh my God. Just how many adjectives, adverbs, pronouns and participles can you find to describe people fucking on camera?
Let’s take a trip back in time to the 1990s, before there was a Google Machine, and porn movie descriptions got the point across without so much wasted verbiage…
An old friend of mine sent me a great find a few days ago with a set of Japanese Porn Movie descriptions that were found on the VHS box covers and early website catalogues from before there were DVDs (remember VHS? Sort of like post-modern 8-Track tapes that jammed just about as frequently).
Here are some actual examples of Japanese Porn Movie descriptions from circa 1995 for your entertainment (and possible horror!):
• Shooting Leg Action !! Sperm jumps onto the sexy legs!! Broad base like an alphabet of “M” and rub it with making a lovely sound.
• An idol, Honoka who is already fed up with never-ending interviews is taken to a video shooting session with her manager. But also she is not interested in being an idol, so she plays with shooting staff in secret from the manager’s eye.
• Close hip action!! She reaches its zenith after sensitive juicy-pussy holds a dildo vibrator deep inroads.
• Teacher, Kaede dreamt a bad dream, but the dream comes into play in the school! Her pupils attack on her!!
• 31 years old lady, Yukino will have a hard sex two times swinging her boobs and works for hand job and mouthfuls affectionately.
• She comes for interview of a certain famous glossy magazine, but she doesn’t know she can be. Then the executive officers of selection committee use their authority power for trying to get her body instead of fulfilling her dream.!
• Office lady, Minako ditches a guy and he asks a naughty handyman to attack on her. Be careful! They do everything for getting money !
• She always seems to be in a bad mood ’cause her figure, but actually she’s an affable person.
• She change her own plain clothes into dark blue stewardess suit. Although she is a ordinary stewardess, her red G-string is too flashy, and her flabby boobs and stomach make a real stewardess.
• This time, the slut woman is 31 years old, Mrs. Rei! She is the owner of a nightclub and many male regular customers come to drink there, so she really knows how to care of men.
• When the guy having picked his ears with 33 year-old woman called Kanako, his cock becomes stiff, and she also cleans it!
• This 29 years old lady astrides a guy and gets doing a grind motion !! Yeah, that’s great, we were forced to feel you have a sexy-adult-woman’s dignity.
• A slat woman, Kazuki licks around a guy’s body and blows it stickily and finally gets ecstasy showing her scrubbing to him.
Okay, that took a lot of expository monologue by me to set up the joke, but hopefully this post has enough words in it to please the Google Gods to give some love back!
I do admit that a thoughtful summary in well-crafted English is more appealing than “When the guy having picked his ears with 33 year-old woman called Kanako, his cock becomes stiff, and she also cleans it”, but perhaps there might be some happy medium here? After all, we don’t want to spend all day reading about porn. We want to WATCH porn!
There is a nice windfall of this for freelance writers though. At this point in time for both mainstream and adult publishers, literally armies of well-educated writers are getting regular work at a decent pay grade for all of this text spinning. Show me an English Lit grad that would rather work at Starbucks, than get $30 to $50 a pop for writing up some porn verbiage and I’ll tell you all about a bridge in Brooklyn I want to sell you 🙂
Happy reading! (but don’t forget to leave time to go actually watch some porn, or even have sex!)
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