Have you ever made it part of the way through a long day, only to realize there’s something very wrong with your outfit — like mismatched shoes, a rip down a seam you hadn’t noticed before, or maybe the President of the United States’ semen on your dress?
In a new series on A&E, Monica Lewinsky relates more details about her affair with Bill Clinton, regardless of whether we need (or want) to hear them. Combined with some of Monica’s prior remarks, Grand Jury testimony and other sources, we now have a pretty good picture of what (and who) went down.
One of the details which has caught Calico’s eye was Monica’s take on what the substance on her infamous stained dress was, before she realized it was Presidential semen. It’s a theory which raises disturbing questions about the appearance and nature of Bill Clinton’s ejaculate. What are those questions? To find out, read Calico’s latest post, “Of Spinach Dip, Dresses and Monica Lewinsky ‘Something About Mary’ Moment”
by Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com Porn For Women and Couples
I’m not what you’d call the world’s most observant person. In fact, I once made it halfway through a day at work before realizing I was wearing mismatched tennis shoes.
In my defense, nobody else noticed either – but that might have been because I was one of three women at the company, the other two hadn’t seen me that morning, and the rest of the staff seemed incapable of looking above my neckline or below my navel at any point in my tenure there. Who knows, though – I suppose that may have been part of a strategy to live longer on their part.
Still, even if I didn’t catch the stains directly after the fact, I like to think if I kept my clothes on during a sexual encounter with a man who ejaculated during said encounter, I might check my clothes for semen stains before wearing that outfit again.
As the Old Saying Goes, “A Mirror Will Tell You…”
Like my office mates, it appears Monica Lewinsky’s friends were no better at spotting Presidential spunk on her dress than she was.
“I went to dinner that night. None of these people said to me, ‘Hey, you’ve got to go to the bathroom, you’ve got stuff all over your dress,’” Lewinsky apparently tells A&E in a new series called The Clinton Affair. “
To be fair, if someone did see what they suspected to be semen on your dress, it’s asking a lot for them to pipe up about it. Hell, I don’t even feel comfortable telling someone they’ve got something stuck in their teeth, let alone drawing their attention to Bubba-spooge.
Making matters worse, as revealed in an earlier interview, by the time Lewinsky did notice the token of affection left behind by the Cummander in Chief, she had to listen to her so-called “friend” Linda Tripp telling her the dress made her look fat.
… That Your ‘Friend’ is a Conniving, Disloyal Asshole
Speaking of Linda Tripp, she reminds me of a frenemy I had back in high school, a girl named Doreen.
Doreen once admitted to a mutual friend of ours that when she would help me pick out clothes to wear on nights out on which I hoped to attract the attention of some specific boy, she would intentionally advise me to wear things that looked bad on me. Nice, eh?
Doreen had nothing on ol’ Linda, though. I mean, what kind of friend surreptitiously records conversations with you, thinking ahead to snaring a book deal for herself by spilling your secrets? A deeply shitty kind of friend, that’s who.
At Least We Know Monica Probably Never Banged the Jolly Green Giant
At any rate, another thing which stood out to me about Lewinsky’s account is hearing that when she testified about the semen-stained dress in 1998, she told the Grand Jury when she did finally notice the stains on her dress, she thought it “could be spinach dip or something.”
While I can’t claim to have a lot of experience with spinach dip, I’m familiar enough with the substance to know one of its identifying traits is the presence of spinach in it – which gives me grave concern for the nature and character of our former President’s ejaculate.
On the bright side, Lewinsky’s theory as to the nature of the agent which stained her dress does suggest she hadn’t, to that point in her life, hooked up with any other men whose semen appeared to contain small flecks of dark green stuff in it.
So, what’s the “moral of the story” here? Come to think of it, in this context, that’s a mighty odd phrase to use. After all, the “Clinton affair,” as A&E has termed it, was marked by lying public officials, extramarital sex, faithless friends, an enormous waste of tax dollars and plenty of nauseating, moralistic grandstanding by members of Congress.
In other words… it was just another day in Washington, D.C.
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