And It’s The PORN You’re Worried About?

by Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com Porn For Women

Every so often, a controversy comes along in which it feels like people are completely missing the most concerning aspect of the situation, in favor of paying attention to something which is more salacious, but probably ought to be less troubling.

For example, when audio surfaced of the man who is now our President speaking casually about how his fame entitles him to grope women without being invited to do so, a lot of people seemed to focus on the language he used (you know, all that “locker room talk”) rather than its implications, content and context.

Read on…

It was as though some people seriously believed the problem was listeners had taken offense to use of the word ‘pussy,’ rather than taking offense to the notion of being casually sexually assaulted by the most entitled rich prick in the grand history of entitled rich pricks.

Of course, a controversy needn’t be as serious or grave as a candidate for high office being caught on tape delighting in the notion of assaulting women with total impunity people to emphasize the wrong item of concern. It also happens when the subject is…. surplus government furniture?

Don’t Most Government Offices Double As Armories?

As a lifelong Arizonan, I simply can’t afford to harbor a fear of firearms as many of my liberal peers do, because those damn things are everywhere in this state. Honestly, if I were afraid of guns just as things in themselves, totally detached from the humans who commonly misuse them, I’d never make it through the day around here.

That said, I might not be as sanguine about the idea of a coworker storing ammunition in his or her desk – especially if I worked for the post office.

In cataloging the list of unusual items found by director of the North Carolina State Surplus Property (NCSSP), though, ammunition seems to be getting something of a short shrift on the concern-o-meter, mostly because some of the furniture contained – you guessed it – porn.

Well, OK – the furniture didn’t contain porn, per se, so much as it contained “order forms for adult films with an employee’s name on them.”

Call me old fashioned, but I’m inclined to be less concerned about the presence in the workplace of incomplete porn order forms than I am of live ammunition. I can’t quite put my finger on why, except perhaps to note the lethal application of the former seems somewhat less likely than lethal application of the latter. Still, the situation does raise questions.

For starters, what’s the story on this person whose name appears on the order form? Is this form so old it predates the dawn of the internet? Is the government employee in question aware the internet exists? Did they leave the form behind with a valid credit card number on it? If so, do you think the employee would mind if someone used it to buy me a new pair of hiking boots? Important follow up: Do the left-behind bullets appear to belong to the same employee?

Anybody Find A Post-It Note With My Password On It?

In addition to porn order forms and bullets, all sorts of unamusing stuff was found in these government surplus desks. These items included “documents that contain personal information such as social security numbers, medical records and banking records…. birth certificates, financial data, social security numbers (and) NCDL’s & State issued ID’s.”

Seeing as how the NCSSP director specifically noted the documents “were for both state employees and private citizens,” we can safely assume the information in the documents was not limited to information on the careless bureaucrats themselves.

Again, on my hierarchy of rogue government employee-related concerns, the idea of some faceless functionary digging around my medical records, or using my social security number to apply for a rental property, or whatever the fuck he’d be doing with my birth certificate, all rank higher than concern over one of them ordering a copy of Bureaucratic Butt-Blasters Vol. 31 on DVD.

Making all of this even more confounding, government workers were reminded by the NCSSP of the need to empty their desks and other furniture before collection of those items too place, but the memo evidently fell on deaf ears. (Who knows; if the forgotten ammunition is any indication, those ears might be deaf because the government employee attached to them had just finished discharging a handgun into a nearby wastebasket.)

“When a mistake is made, we are the backstop,” said Mark Edwards, the deputy secretary in charge of the surplus furniture collection. “But this is not exciting.”

Wait a minute…. This guy finds desks full of bullets, bank records, confidential personal information, and porn order forms and he’s not excited?

See? I told you I’d uncover the real controversy here.

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